Yo! Sorry I took so long. It's the holidays down here and I've been busy. Anyway, this oc is from Luna_Moonwillow. Also, this oc isn't quite finished, so this review isn't final. Lets get on with the review.
Name: None yet. Any suggestions? Shufen or Ai Xun seems nice.
Gender: Female
Age: 13 Young, but I can't judge.
Sexuality: Lesbian in a country where only heterosexuals are accepted. I wonder how that affects her backstory.
Birthdate: ?
Height: About average
Weight: A teeny bit overweight It would be nice to have exact measurements.
Appearance: Short straight dark brown hair, a teal eye (cuz of her fusion with her great- grandmother) and a dark brown eye Heterochromia is awfully overdone, but you at least have an explanation for it. . She has an tanned-ish olive complexion and a swirly teal tattoo on the inside her left wrist which she got with an oath to start practicing the ancient magic of China. This is fine. Makes sense for where she is from, too. The tattoo seems interesting, though.
Clothing: Off the shoulder knee length dress with Chinese style buttons, leggings, embroidered Chinese shoes and wrist bandages(to cover her tattoo to look normal). Any colours? Personality: Quiet most of the time, ambiverted, has mild "allergy" of overly proud people. Moody, has cases of social anxiety when she's under stress. There isn't much to go off of here. Just a quiet person, really. You need to flesh out her personality more.
Likes: Freedom, her great-grandma, magic, her lantern, moths.
Dislikes: Her mother, school, proud people. Not much here.
Backstory: She had a normal-ish childhood, but her parents had extremely high academic and behavioral expectations, so she often felt forced to be perfect all the time. This makes sense, and it has just the right amount of angst. I like it.One day she was helping her mother buy lanterns at the sunset market (a market held just before the end of summer, for people to buy lanterns for the Festival Of Light, which is held to guide the ancestors' s spirits back home.) She bought lanterns for her family, and she found a box of blue matches on the ground, so she took them back home,and later used them to light her lantern for the Festival Of Light.After she lit her lantern, she accidentally knocked her lantern over onto her left hand, and she thought that the bright hot blue flame would be really hot and burn her badly, but instead she didn't feel a thing. It was because the match she lit was actually by coincidence the captured spirit of her great-grandma, who was a witch, and because the spirit was related to her, it fused with her. Wowee what a coincidence. Seriously though, how did her grandma get into the matches? How did she die? She found out her great-grandma had fused with her when she heard a voice in her head continuously, and started developing her great-grandma's witch powers. Interesting. Her great-grandma taught her to master her witch powers, and when her powers were strong enough, she ran away with her lantern and the box of blue matches. Why would she run away? She didn't need to, and she didn't seem to want to, either. Then her teal eye colour started to form, and she began to see into the spirit world. Why? Could her grandma see the spirit world? Why does she not like her mother? There was nothing that made her hate her mother in particular, so why? There are many questions I have with this story. But, I know its not finished yet.
Other: She lives in ancient China, so I don't know her birthdate. You can figure out a birthday and month, and you'll have to do research for the year.
Mary sue: 40% Because many things seem unfinished (Because they are.)
Originality: 60%
Overall: I can see lots of potential with this, but you'll have to do plenty of research of ancient China. Also, you need to put in more detail, so you and others know her better.
Anyway, I hope this helped you in some way. I'd like to see more ocs from you guys. Cya!
