Thoughts on me. Thoughts on you. What would they do
- if they knew.
Would they care? Say I am unfair? Could they hear me loudly, like I do?
Would they see, what I see, would they see me, falling on my knees, screaming, crying, hitting the wall, hitting the table, hitting the chair, because I can not handle these feelings, too many feelings? Too many bad feelings.
Hitting the ground, feeling numb, feeling helpless, feeling alone.
But just in my head, just in my mind.
And someone walks by and I am just smiling and I am just crying inside, dying inside. Inside of me.
"And they cannot see me..." I think.
"If they cannot see me..." I think. And "Why don't they see me?" I think.
And I think it is my fault, and I know it is my fault. My fault that I do not show them "me". And I do not like to think it.
And I do not make any sense, I am too quiet, I am too different, too messy, too careless, too much on my phone, too rude to my siblings and I did not get any good marks and I do not study and I...I...I...too senseless, too quiet, too different, too messy, too careless, too rude, too lazy, too much... And I begin to run, begin to run down the street, past the people I do not know and I do not want to see, because I do not want them to see "me".
And I stop - in the middle of the street.
And I fall down on my knees and I cry and I scream, hitting the ground.
...too senseless, too quiet, too different, too messy, too careless, too rude, too lazy, too much...
And I can feel the wet tears running down my face and my eyes cannot see no more because my sight is blurred. So I close my eyes, trying not to feel anymore. And all I wish for is darkness, where everything has to be allright. Darkness, where I do not have to think. About my problems. Where I do not have to face them and where everything is allright anyways.
But I live and so I feel.
And I feel my clothing is soaked with my tears. I feel my knees. They hurt.
And I feel my breath going quickly. I feel the saltyness of my tears on my tounge.
I open my eyes, I realise where I am. The feeling of beeing ashamed hits me like a torrent of ice cold water. Because I just realised I am down on my knees, sobbing like a newborn, not knowing what in the world I am doing.
Carefully I get back on my feet. "Now standing there, sobbing like a newborn, not knowing what in the world I am doing." I think.
I can feel the people around looking at me. Although they are pretty far away. And now, that I remember what I just did, how it must have looked and I feel that smirk appearing on my face, I just go with it and smile.
And I feel the skin on my cheeks streching because of the drying tears and I realise how weird I am, but it is okay because
I feel alive.
- do not let anyone bring you down, especially do not let yourself bring you down -
VOUS LISEZ
Storys about You
Nouvelles(Storys about life.) These are monologues that you could have during your life. They are not always logical to everyone, but life isn't and humans aren't either.
