Compositions of Us

21 · The Innovation of What's and Why's

"In the dryer." I used my head to point the direction of the laundry room. 

A look of relief spread across Joshua's face right after. Maybe I should have kept him on his toes and lied about it first.  

Seeing how it was too late for that, I wanted to get back to where we left off. Things weren't exactly settled between us. Even though I did miss the joking atmosphere we held seconds ago, I wasn't sure how to bring up that conversation again. 

Harboring my attention, Joshua called out to me first. "Thanks Olivia." 

"It's fine." 

He held back for a minute before proceeding, "I meant what I said. You know, when we were outside." 

Gazing into his green eyes, I noticed how vulnerable Joshua was. It could be the damp hair and the clothes. Definitely the clothes. They framed him differently. His egocentric attitude was off center, but he was honest. The thing was, I already knew Joshua was telling the truth when he confessed that to me outside. 

Knitting my eyebrows together, I replied, "I know you did. I just don't understand why." 

Of course, I had an idea, but I was always the type of person that wanted to hear it from that person. 

When I motioned that it was okay for Joshua to place the towel on top of the chair, he didn't reply instantly, but instead, he rubbed the back of his neck.  

After a moment, Joshua settled his attention back to me and said, "I don't know. It seemed like Drew knew you more than I did... and, he knew how to make you happy." 

A few seconds later, Joshua sighed in frustration. "It's stupid, isn't it? You were already having a bad weekend, and then I just had to say shit to you, and then I just had to ignore you for the past week even though I really didn't want to, but I felt, dammit, I just felt weird. And then, I was a jack ass because I was being rude even though you didn't do a single thing wrong. Why should I be jealous over a guy who's giving you donuts for crying out loud? I don't know, but —" 

"Joshua, slow down." 

Not listening, Joshua rambled, "It seemed to make you smile, and it—it pissed me off. I thought that there was something going on between you two, and I needed to back off. I know that's stupid, and I'm acting like a five year old. I get it. And then, you thought I was jealous over Eric? No. No. It was Drew. I was actually jealous of that guy. What is —" 

"Hey, it's fine. Joshua, stop." 

He went on, "Wrong with me? And then, I came home and found the pictures and those frames you gave us. Why would you even do that after I was such a dick to you? They're great, you know? I couldn't say that to you any sooner than now because I was stupid and —" 

"Joshua, stop!" 

That was the only way to get that Smiley Idiot to snap out of it.  

As soon as Joshua realized that he was practically word vomiting everywhere, he straightened himself out and cleared his throat in embarrassment. Observing him, my lips had twitched into a grin.  

Joshua Anderson was definitely out of focus.  

He groaned, "I really thought I had this whole conversation under control." 

I only said this to tease him, "You probably practiced in front of the mirror first, didn't you?" 

Reluctant at first, Joshua glumly nodded his head.  

My mouth dropped. "You didn't." 

"I did," Joshua answered uncomfortably. "Can I finish what I was going to say?"