Sweater Weather

Stuck

I feel like I'm stuck in a song, that's constantly on replay.

Everything always starts over in a new cycle eventually, and I'm left here to dwell in it and go through it. And it's like the song always starts off slow, then goes really fast, only to go slower again.

The highs and lows of my emotions.

There's a point in this where I actually feel contempt with myself, as if I had made peace with my past, and as if I was ready to move on into uncharted waters.

There was a point where I felt somewhat not sad. Not as sad as I usually get, and I felt amazing in that sporadic period of time.

It was as if my broken heart was slowly starting to mend itself together.

As I moved on, it felt good, at first. But then things started to slowly creep up on me. Slowly, but surely, pain and hurt was to cross paths with me once again. And I didn't want that to happen.

Don't let the song repeat.

And new relationships came and prospered, new memories were made. And it was good. It felt so nice to feel like you're actually living, rather than going through the motions of it.

And I keep trying to proper and live, just as it hits me, to no surprise at all.

I cried more, talked a little less, either ate too much, or ate too little, I had little to no sleep at all, or over ten hours of it. I let little things get to me, withdrawal from friends and family, no longer wanted to open up, and becoming very easily irritable.

And I had a difficulty understanding why I felt this way, even though I, well, I thought I was happy with the people I surrounded myself with,

I was happy with him, but that's also a very different story.

And what others did to me in the past didn't bother me much at all anymore, which is why I knew he wasn't the case either, I was with someone, and I was over him. And I knew that when I met someone new.

It was unfair to be with someone who wasn't happy with themselves. That just means you'll drag them down with you, and when you're with someone, it's so they can prosper, not become worse.

Like I always do, I ended it, before someone else could have really hurt my feelings, which is common for me to do, but because I hate being used.

Nobody wants to ever feel used.

And it's a feeling that was familiar and bittersweet, like getting yourself into something that you never wanted to get yourself into in the first place.

And I just built myself up all over again, now at the beginning, just where I never expect myself to be, after numerous times that I thought I learned my lesson.

But it seems I haven't.

And now the song is at the beginning, and I am only hoping that I can get to the happy part of it.

A/n: It's still sweater weather, so that means  I might as well put this book to use.