Rain, Rain.

Prologue: Cry

Damn. Damnit. I didn't want to cry today. Even if it was a made up skit. A skit breaking my head, have I gone mad?

I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to forget, forget just for a little while. Dreams have never been so vivid; focused on them.

THEM. My friends. The first one was a girl, both boys that I respect. A gun, at a soccer field, the office; papers with uncertainty.

The second time. A beach, vacation, a mansion, gravel path, flying.

The third time... Start of the new school year. The same schedule, art, room N-9, laptops, stage, college seating. YOU.

YOU. The boy I relished for a very long while. We were very close. Same interests. Had some laughs. I pushed you away. Cause I wanted to be alone. But I didn't want you to leave. Now we're just friends, not as close as before. I hate this. I'm treating you just like her.

HER. I knew her. I knew her for many years now. However, I didn't know her. She taught me a lot. A lot of things I should know. She taught me. I learned from her. She's the one that shaped me. But, she left me, I was lonely. Did she even know me? It was because she met him.

HIM. A boy I know nothing of. He was a stranger, a stranger I only know from a name. Much like how I adored that guy for a while.

That guy... I know who I'm talking about. He was dainty but I knew nothing about him. Then he was rumored to her. She leaned close to my ear and said that I don't deserve it. Brush it off. Somebody else? Yes. She is my friend.

She. She is my friend. I knew her because I was a parasite. I craved for her knowledge... I Love Her, she was closer to my friends. Closer than I could ever get. She was paired with a guy I knew nothing of. Not him.

I don't know any of them. At least not anymore. They formed their own cliques and groups. One I believed I was in. In for a little while. Then I invited her over.

I. I was certain she was going to be my friend. She is... But I deny it. I kept drowning her in my expectations and standards. I knew it was wrong. I wanted her to be like my old friends. I focused on the past, I lost her. 

Writing this... I thought this would make me feel more liberated. But No! It isn't enough! It's her. Her. You knew her. She changed. YOU ARE THE ONE MAKING THIS HARD! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!...

I'll look back at this and see if I still felt the same. If I still feel anything at all... I'm tired. I want to sleep...

I want to listen to rain at the same time listening to light snoring next to me. The sound of the A/C. A room with a black sofa. A sewing machine. plastic bags full of nothing but fabric. A big bed. A sliding door. A boarded window. A little child who promised to be of worth, laying down, staring at the ceiling wide-eyed. A man who promised to be there to see them depart and reach success. Promised to give a typewriter once they turned 11. Promises never fulfilled.

I'm crying... I know why. Cause I'm angry and sad. I didn't hear his voice. I didn't see his face before it was drained of blood. Now I don't remember. And I hate it. Fuck this! damn this.

Next chapter... Rain, Rain