Francis- *walks in the angency* hey hey hey~
Dazai- Bitch I thought u was dead!
Francis- me? Dead? Never! It'll take billions of weretigers to defeat my ass.
Yosano- you're lucky that Atsushi isn't here to beat the crap out of you.
Francis- *laughs* like my little kitten would ever scratch me.
Dazai- *chokes* uhu, excuse me? You're little kitten? Bitch I hope you've done your motherfucking prayers because imma kill you right now!
Kunikida- there will be no murdering, especially the guest.
Francis- why thank you~
Kunikida- fuck off, I saved your white ass from an ex-mafioso.
Atsushi- *rainbows, unicorns, and a bright ass light appears* hello fellow co-workers!
Akutagawa- *pops up behind Atsushi* why the fuck is the money whore here?
Atsushi- *thunder and fire appears* WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!
Dazai- calm down Atsushi, he just came back to...
Francis- why hello my tiger! It's been so long since i've seen you! *walks closer to Atsushi for a hug*
Akutagawa- *summons Rashomon* get ur white ass away from Atsushi.
Atsushi- *gets hugged from Francis* oh my.
Francis- you're so cuuuutte! I'll stay here as long as you're alive!
Kunikida- please can you leave?
Francis- no because I belong with Cat Sushi.
Dazai- his name isn't Cat Sushi dumbass.
Francis- *puts collar on Atsushi* it is now~
Atsushi- does this collar actually say 'Cat Sushi'?
Francis- you like it? It's made out of the finest emeralds, diamonds, rubies, and gold.
Akutagawa- *gets blinded by the collar's brightness* it's brighter than my soul!
Dazai- I hope you don't mind if I just... *yanks off collar* borrow it. *throws it out of the window*
Mori- SHINY!! *catches the collar from the air* I'm fucking rich!
Atsushi- but I liked it. *starts crying in cat*
Dazai- oh god, I made him cry again
Francis- *shakes head* tsk tsk tsk, you bastard, you made my baby tiger cry. *carries Atsushi* how dare you?
Atsushi-*holds onto Fancy Francy* I loved it so much! *keeps crying*
Dazai- *stares* how in the world are you two so close to each other?
Ranpo- jealous Dazai? *smirks*
Dazai- me? Jealous? Boi ur stupid, I'm jealous AND BOILING IN ANGER! I mean just look at the old hag *points at Francis who's patting Atsushi's head* he's a fucking perv and a fucking old ass sugar daddy!
Francis- you are so right angry talk bandaged tree! I am a sugar daddy. Cat Sushi, call me master or daddy from now on okay?
Atsushi- *wipes tears away* that's... weird but okay Daddy Francy.
Francis- *squeals like a fanboy* (literally me)
Dazai- *groans like a dying cow*
A couple of hours later~
Francis and Atsushi- *eating cake together*
Dazai- *watching from a distance with Akutagawa* just look at that old bastard, I mean, Atsushi likes girls and guys that are five or less years older than him and likes dark hair in his lover and likes them to be the same or a taller height than him. And that hoe is nowhere to his interest.
Akutagawa- ...how do you know this shit?
Dazai- Atsushi's Diary, page 69. *takes out a white notebook*
Akutagawa- I'm not going to down the offer to read this *starts reading*
Dazai- I'm perfect for his taste.
Aku- yeah but I don't see where he likes assholes and suicidal idiots anywhere. And nowhere does it mention that he likes badass orphans with goth like clothes. So, *shuts notebook* I'm off the list also.
Dazai- off the list huh? *thinks for a moment* you know what?
Aku- eat ice cream and watch that American movie that the old bitch keeps playing? Titanic?
Dazai- let's get Francis out of Atsushi's sight.
Aku- shit, I don't know what ur planning but I'm in.
~
Chuuya- Atsushi, I have a coffee that Dazai wanted me to give you.
Atsushi- *smiles* thank you!
Aku- *summons rashomon in front of Chuuya's feet*
Chuuya- *trips and spills coffee onto Atsushi's lap*
Francis- *screams* my poor baby! Look at what you did short ass bitch! Go get napkins at once!
Chuuya- tsk, I ain't your maid bitch.
Francis- fine I'll do it myself. *runs to the Agency's break room* where are the hell are those motherfuckers?!
Dazai- *pops out from under table* looking for this bitch?
Francis- yosh! I need them!!
Dazai- here.
Fancis- *walks over to Dazai and instead gets thrown into the closet.
Dazai- *locks closet* you stay in there hoe! *slides in playboy magazines which are Kunikida's* just in case you get bored. *walks to the office to find Chuuya petting Atsushi's hair*
Chuuya- there there. I didn't mean to harm u.
Atsushi- *cries in cat* my lap is burning like hell!
Chuuya- u wanna watch something with me?
Atsushi- yeah.
Chuuya- look, I found the American movie the Titanic!
Atsushi- I wanna watch it.
Chuuya- *smiles* okei!
Atsushi and Chuuya- *cuddling in the couch while watching The Titanic*
Dazai- *looking from distance* okay recap, money bag whore, now short alcoholic hatrack now?!
Aku- *pops up behind Dazai* you're on your own on this one man cub, on your own.
YOU ARE READING
BSD ON CRACK
FanfictionOnce the world was a rotten hell, but now heros from the shad- Dazai- can we just cut to the scene where I find the perfect bitch to commit suicide with? Atsushi- you interrupted the intro! *sighs* Akiko- well Dazai does ruin shit every time *claps...
