Aiden looked at me, telling me with his hazel eyes that it was my turn to say something, but I didn't want to. I looked at my dad and he tried to give me a smile but ended up failing.
I took a deep breath, and stoop up, catching everyone's eyes on me. I walked next to the coffin, which was closed because no one really wants to see a dead body, no matter how bad you loved the person. Or at least I didn't; I wanted to keep my best friend's smile on my memory, not his pale and dry, lifeless body.
I opened my mouth, but words couldn't come out. My voice was gone when I tried to start talking, I just kept looking at the white flowers.
—He hated white flowers —I said—. He hated pretty much everything that had to do with light colors. —I looked at Lewis, whose blue eyes were on his hands, as usual— He tried to be punk rock so bad all the time, but he's always been a big teddy bear with nothing but love and sarcasm.
His family wasn't even trying to hide the tears, and I understood. I wouldn't hide them if I were crying but I was dry already. I've been crying the last two weeks.
—We shouldn't be sad. As stupid as it sounds. He left by choice. He wanted to. I just hope he's happy wherever he is, because he made me happy the whole time he was here.
I looked at the picture of him standing next to me. His eyes had never looked so green than when I took that photo. It was the best day we've ever had, along with our group of friends. He had spent the night before crying and dealing with the sharks that haunted his ocean eyes, but he was so happy that day. You could tell by the way he spoke and laughed. Even by the way he sang and played his guitar. I thought he was getting better.
—The first time I got my heart broken, he showed up at my door with a bunch of chocolates. He said that there was nothing that chocolate couldn't make better for a lady. Then he made clear that I was not a lady and ate all the chocolates in front of me. —I laughed softly— Nevertheless he said that what could really help a person, was a hug. He hugged me 'til midnight, while I was crying and sobbing on his shoulder, probably making his shirt get awfully dirty. I was kinda ashamed but he didn't mind.
I looked at every single person that was there. Some of them hadn't even seen him in ages. Most of them never gave a fuck, but Michael did. My eyes stopped on my friend's Colin; he was looking at me, he knew exactly what I was thinking and I couldn't help but let a mad sigh out.
—He was the kind of person who didn't mind if he was feeling like shit, as long as everyone else was happy and smiling. I feel bad for not being able to see his pain over mine. I should've been smarter, but there's really nothing that I can do now other than remember him and all he taught me. I'll never be able to forget any of that. I learned so much from him, from his stories and his advices and his truth. I've never loved anyone the way I love him. I always will. Because no one has ever wanted to know me as he did. He didn't care who I was at the time, where I came from or why I was feeling the way I did. He just wanted to know what music I was listening to. I will never regret laughing at him trying to get my headphones. He will always be the weirdo who was too nice for him to notice.
I closed my eyes as the tears began to fall. I didn't think I had some left, but apparently this is what happens when you feel too much.
—Michael, you gave me the best years of my life and showed me that no one will ever make me feel like I don't matter. I just can't understand why you said that to me if you didn't believe it. —I walked near the coffin and whispered very softly:— I'm sorry.
I held my breath for maybe 10 more seconds, and then began to walk away from the place. I got into my dad's car and waited for about 20 minutes until he and my mom got up. None of them turned at me, they just drove back home and I walked slowly fo my room.
I took the stupid black shoes and the stupid black dress and threw them out the window. I covered myself with the sheets and buried my head into the pillows.
Until we meet again, my friend. You'll be in my heart for the rest of it's beating.
