I stand in the shower, letting the hundreds of thin streams wash over me like a miniature tsunami. The only moments I feel safe is when I am surrounded by these slick white walls, closed in by a foggy glass door. The steam fills up the air, and it's almost suffocating. After all of these years, I've grown used to that odd feeling.
It's like someone is punching you in the throat, except their fist never retracts. It just remains at your throat, making the air around you feel thicker. The air isn't growing thick though, you feel as if it is. But only the layer of racing thoughts is getting more dense. And that's why I use steam to represent my thoughts. You're surrounded by it, and sometimes it feels it's blocking your airway, other times it feels almost.. freeing.
For example, when you have a cold and step into a nice hot shower, you feel more loose. As if something was being extracted from your body, and that would be your illness. Illness never completely disappears, because after you step out into the fresh, cool air, you feel the sickness devouring you again.
That's why I hide away, behind a foggy glass door. Where nothing is present but my thoughts. And I can have alone time with myself and feel freed with or without my illness. I will let the steam cause water droplets to be born on the walls, before they trickle down into the drain.
Leave it behind the foggy glass door.
Leave it behind the fogged glass, because when the air is done being drenched with steam, the glass door will return to its transparent form. When the glass is fogged, you're almost blinded from reality.
It's relieving to have moments where you're blinded from this fucked up world, though. After almost a decade and a half of seeing through a shattered lense, escaping from the realness of things make you glow with abnormal satisfaction.
That moment is similar to when you're having a nice laugh with your friends. You're slightly unaware of your surroundings, but frankly, you couldn't give a shit. Once that moments is sucked into the past, you replay it over and over in your head like a broken record. Unfortunately, it will never feel the same.
Why? Simply because things only happen at the maximum of one time. Even if you tried with all the human strength on this planet, one moment would never ever be the same as the other. Everytime you say a word, it is used in the same or a different manner. Your voice will never sound the same as it once did, though. Thing's are always changing.
contradict.
