Ch. 4: Bambi on ice

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The next week we learned to know each other better. Even though Paul and Mary-Lou were working a lot and Leah and Jack were at school, we spent every evening playing games, playing music and talking about whatever we had in mind. It mostly consisted of me listening to them talking about how their day was, but I didn't mind.

Patrick, on the other hand, was working at home. According to Paul, he was taking a year off from school, so he spent the days chopping wood, shoveling snow and fixing broken things, such as the damaged door in the garage. He was even trying to put an old snowmobile together, which looked like a hopeless case to me. But he was determined to get it to start, and I couldn't do anything but to admire his persistence. He was a handyman for sure.

I tried to help him out every now and then, but I only seemed to annoy him. That's why I mostly kept to myself. I mean, why waste time on something that didn't really interest me, when I could write new songs or dance instead. I felt so inspired both by the atmosphere and the nature, that everything came naturally. Another reason was Leah.

I couldn't deny it anymore. I was so attracted to her, I was almost losing my mind. Even though I managed to suppress my feelings and act like normal around her, I was growing more and more frustrated with constantly having a boner. Especially because I was unable to get rid of it. Sharing a room with Patrick was... Yeah. Besides, it just felt wrong to jerk myself off in someone else's home. Especially because we were living so close to each other. They were used to it. I wasn't.

Paul had bought me a set of new batteries for my Walkman, so I started repeating some old dance routines. The volume was set high, and I was in my own little bubble, and soon I drifted off from the routine and danced the way my heart compelled me to. The music spoke to me. It seeped into my veins and my body got a life of its own, and it felt amazing to release some of my pent-up feelings through music again. Maybe some time off schedule was good for me?

I couldn't remember the last time I didn't rehearse for a whole week. Even when I was sick, there was always some kind of work to do. New lyrics to learn or choreography to improve. I never got to rest. Not until now. And it felt so incredibly good to dance on my own that I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs. I danced because I wanted to. My body became alive, and everything bubbled with life inside of me.

Suddenly, I became aware of someone's presence behind me, and found Leah standing by the door. Her expression was something I'd never seen in her face before, but I couldn't define what it was. It made me feel embarrassed, and I was never embarrassed about dancing. That was my identity. Then why did it feel like I'd been caught red handed after doing something illegal?

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, and I struggled to look directly at her. My palms felt sweaty, and I rubbed my neck.

"I-I don't know..." he stuttered. She seemed completely lost. Why was she even here? Did something happen?

"I thought you were at school?" I asked, and she gulped and shook her head.

"Uhm... We got off earlier today."

Her voice was much weaker than usual. She was almost whispering, and my body reacted surprisingly strongly to it. That's why I turned away, not to feel too awkward about the situation. But she instantly protested and reached for my hand.

"No. Please don't stop," she said softly, and her cheeks were blushing and cute.

"You want me to continue dancing?" I asked, and I don't really know why I felt surprised. I don't really know what made me keep holding her hand either, or why I spun her around in slow motion and into my arms. So much for distracting myself with dancing...

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