July 26th 2016

My life before the heart break

It was an ordinary day, growing up as a 7th grade girl. All worried about boys and stuff but I was the unusual type of person who was more depressed then worried about how to get guys attention. One day, I came across an app on my iPod I got when I was in 5th grade, it was an app to talk about anime online and meet people all across the world and you could post things. I thought it was okay and I didn't post much but before I was going to delete it, one day I came across the username of " TheOneWhoLaughed " Honestly, I just thought his name was cool so I decided to say hey, not thinking much about what would happen next. Surprisingly he replied back fast and started a conversation and got to things like about his life at home and siblings and things like that. I think Michigan is very cold in the winter so I could never imagine living in a colder place. Edmonton, Alberta Canada was where he was from and his full name was Juan David Florez. Spanish guy with a Russian mother. Moved from Cloumbia, South America all the way to Canada. His older brother John was from a different father and more harsh and couldn't drive even though he was 21-22ish because their mom wouldn't let him. After a few months of talking, me and Juan decided to start " dating " on November 9th 2013 and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I used to use corny pick up lines for him to like me more because I would just shut down and hardly say anything. It was my first time trying to romance a guy but somehow it worked. We never broke up nor had big fights and were going on pretty strong. I always got jealous when his friend Amelia or "Kitty" (which is her nickname he gave her cause it use to make her mad) wanted to hang out or whatever and when I found out that Kitty loved him, I just didn't know what to do... It's not like I was there to stop her or anything and we never even kissed or anything like that. My heart was pure and loved him for everything he was.. I truly thought he was my one and only so I shut the sadness out and all the voices in my head saying that she was better because I believed he was loyal to me and that we would meet someday.... That someday kept me going when I wanted to drop out and kept me from cutting when I wanted to live for him... I was so in love that I was blind. One day my sister suggested a camping trip in July for a week or so with her friend Becky and I didn't want to go at first but with all the heart ache I had.. I thought fresh air would help but it's not like I would tell Juan that I was hurting and needed some air so I told him I was forced to go and that I'd try to text him when I could. 

Me and Juan said our goodbyes and " I'll see you when you get back " sorta thing. Since we were leaving so early in the morning, I had to stay the night with my older sister Amanda which I loved since we did facials and nails and things like that. In the morning everyone started packing up food and clothes and left around 8ish to my sisters friends house. Once we got to Becky's I noticed big Brndon (Beckys husband) and his friend Marcus with his wife(??) and little girl. Their was another boy their too, around my age and was very shy and hardly spoke a word. I didn't say anything to him but thought that very slender, red-ish blond hair, blue eyed boy with glasses was amazingly cute. Of course I fought with myself saying that I already had an amazing boyfriend but leaving home with the knowledge of another girl liking him and him possibly likening her didn't help at all. I tried to keep my distance from him hoping he wouldn't notice my obvious staring but once we loaded up in the cars and on our way to the camp ground I gave myself a big pep talk saying that I wasn't going to do this and that I was strong to resist it. I had never came that close in contact with a guy before. Brandon Avery Allcock was his name and I never thought what was gonna come next. 

(Before The Trip backstory) 

 Of course I knew him back in the summer before my 6th grade year at the fireworks for 4th of July. He was still the very quiet kid I knew, I just thought I'd never see him again. I had the most biggest crush on him but ever since I tried making a conversation and fail when he would hardly respond back, made me think he hated me and wasn't interested, at first and I know I never told him this but since I thought he hated me, I thought for a second that maybe he was gay but quickly changed the topic when I felt my heart drop at that thought. I tried talking to him after that at school but forgot his name when he moved up to the highschool, he was after all 1 grade above me. I thought nothing of it after words but would pop up in dreams I've had during my 8th grade year. I remembered that he always wore a bright blue zip up jacket from Areopostile that had white lettering on it stating where he got it from and always had his hair cut short. I noticed him in the hallways because he was always the one listening to music with his head down, sometimes checking his phone. After a while I just gave up trying to talk to him because he would hardly reply to me so I thought " what's the use " I tried talking in hallways or just waving hello, I found him at his locker one time and started a conversation there and it was actually a pretty good conversation about whatever it was. I never met him again until the summer of my freshmen year 9th grade. 

(Return to camping trip) 

As we started to unload the big wagon of food and tents and stuff, I was ordered to take not only 1 kid but all 5 of them to the play ground down by the beach. The camp ground " Lake Shnapihoe " was amazingly beautiful but the day we went up there it was 104 degrees just sitting in the shade which was super hot. Starting to overheat, I thought that the kids who were running around in that heat and sun was super over heated so I decided to take them back to where we were setting up and asked to just stay there but was ordered back down. Being from Jackson and going all the way up to Muskegen, you'd think it'd be cooler but apparently it was when I called mom to let her know when I arrived safe. It was hotter in Jackson then it was where we were at so I was glad about that. After a long time of thinking of ways to get out of the heat, I took them back to camp and my sister made some juice and I just kinda sat around with the wind blowing though my hair. I didn't try talking to Brandon because I thought that he still hated me after all these years but it didn't stop me from glancing at him every once in a while. I didn't get in contact with Juan that day but things went by so fast and it was so hot to walk all the way up to the office for wifi anyways. That night, everyone took showers and I went to bed with the kids because I thought I was forced to at first but after realizing that I didn't have to, I didn't after the second night there. I was tuckered out anyways and went right to sleep.