The Potions Master's Daughter (Book Five)

Chapter 22

He nodded in understanding, "I can get behind that for sure, it's starting to give me a headache. I saw Ron and Hermione kissing, do you think that's going to turn into something finally?"

I grinned, "I hope so. I think it will too, I mean they're obviously meant to be. I just hope they can stop bickering long enough to figure out how to make the whole thing work ya know."

"Yeah. It's nice to see that they're happy even in the middle fo all this. I think it's good to have some happy in their lives, even if it's a bit dangerous."

Now it was obvious we were no longer talking about the two of them, but rather the two of us, "Neville," I said softly on the brink of giving in to everything I wanted.

He put a hand on my shoulder to stop me, "It's okay, I don't mean to pressure you Jessica. I know your life is even more dangerous than theirs, and if you don't even like me then you have zero obligation to do anything."

I sighed, "Neville I still like you a lot. Everything will make sense soon enough. I'm just scared you're going to hate me soon, but just know that I'm doing everything for a greater good. If you can't believe that I can totally understand but just remember that I'm doing it for something bigger than just the two of us. I can't put you in the middle of all this Neville. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you and it was my fault."

He looked puzzled, and I didn't blame him. I wasn't speaking very clearly, but I desperately wanted him to understand that when the time came to betray him that I wasn't doing it for real, and I didn't want to hurt him. It seemed like the drinks had been spiked and I had certainly drank enough with too little food to have a bit of a buzz, maybe that's why I was talking so honestly right now.

"I'm not sure what any of that means," he started then held up a hand when I started to cut him off to explain, "But it doesn't matter. I will never hate you Jessica. We can continue to be just this, that's completely fine with me. I'm always going to be here for you."

I let out a small breath and wished that could be the case. I just leaned my head on his chest and allowed him to wrap his arms around me. I was sick of not being able to have him just because of my stupidity, and all the good I was doing.

Once the party started to dwindle down I went up to my dormitory and sat in my bed staring up at the ceiling. There wasn't anything I could be doing this second, but every part of me itched to be doing something to get this damn war over with. I was so sick of it all. I just wanted to be happy, but I knew I had asked for this responsibility, hell I had forced Severus and Dumbledore to give it to me basically. To pass the time I began to read up on my Draca powers. Apparently they were powerful healers, as had been made obvious by my healing of Sirius. Draca were also supposed to have very good eyesight in the dark, which I wasn't sure about yet. There were also a number of cool things about all my bodily fluids. I already knew my spit could make spoiled potions go back to not being spoiled, but I didn't know that my blood could be used to smear over a bruise to have it go away. It was little things like that that I was finally learning about.

I was busy reading when Hermione came into the room. She was blushing a bit, but she looked like she was floating. I smiled inwardly as I took in her appearance.

"Sooo," I drawled out with a smirk on my face, "How was your little talk?" I cocked an eyebrow as she sat down on the edge of my bed.

She let out a small breathy sigh and smiled widely, "I don't know how I didn't see this more clearly before. He said he's liked me for a while now, and I basically told him the same thing. We know it's dangerous and all right now, but we figure what the hell ya know? So we are going to give the whole dating thing a whirl," her face fell, "You don't think we are positively horrible for each other do you?"

I laughed and shook my head, "There's no two people that are more meant to be together then the two of you are Hermione. I've been on both ends of this. I"ve known that you guys would end up together for a solid year now, I'm just happy the two of you have finally figured out what Harry and I already knew was inevitable."

Her face lit up again at my words, "I'm so glad you guys are okay with it. I know it'll make the group dynamic a little weirder, but I think this will be good for both of us. He's finally gotten out of his boyish stage and I can finally see this working out for real."

I beamed at her, "I'm so happy for you guys, truly. I think it's good to have a happy part of your life since you're facing so much in the rest of your life."

She nodded, "I feel the same way. I know it's a dangerous time, and now I have more to lose but I think that's what life's all about," I didn't answer right away so after a long pause she asked hesitantly, "Hey Jess, can I ask you why you aren't doing the same thing?"

My eyebrow scrunched up, "How do you mean?"

She looked as though she was mad at herself for bringing this up, "I just mean why aren't you letting yourself be happy with Neville? It seems pretty obvious you guys are meant to be together too, but you keep pushing him away. I spoke to him about it a few days ago and I know he's completely fine with it, but I was just wondering?"

I groaned, "I just can't hurt him. Maybe it's just who I am, but I just can't put him in more danger than he's already in, and my life is a great deal more dangerous than his."

She nodded, "That makes sense to me. You're allowed to be happy though Jessica."

I nodded, and she let the subject drop. We went to bed, and with the help of a few potions I was even able to fall asleep.