My Way

Three

Three

Tomorrow came all too quickly. 

I am still secretless. 

It's 3:54. I don't have to go. 

Yes I do. The glaze over his eyes told me he needed someone. Maybe he needs me, but not very many people do. 

3:57. I should go. 

I check myself in the mirror in my car and walk down the long staircase to the fountain. He wasn't there yet. Good I have more time to think about a secret. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't know what to tell him. 

The door to the hospital opens, and he comes out. He looks a little better than yesterday. His hair looked to have been combed and it looked as if he'd washed his face. 

"Um, hi," he greeted me with a faint smile. 

I laughed a little and replied,"Um, hi to you too."

"Do you have a secret for me?"

"Only if you go first," I need to know what kind of secret this is.

"You're stalling but I'll play along," This takes me aback for a second but I still don't say anything, afraid that if I do, he won't tell me his secret first. 'This is more of a fact that few people know so I'm saying that it's a secret. That's the cool thing about secrets- there aren't any rules. I'm getting out of here in a week and then the next week I get to start a new year at King's High School. Intresting fact to go with my secret- it will be my first year of high school. Senior year will be my first year. Go big or go home right?" 

"It will be my first year at King's too. Not my first year of high school but my first year there." 

"Well we can be the coolest novices to King's ever." His words warm my heart; I've never been so nervous about school before. "So please, I'm on the edge of our bench, what's your secret?"

I still don't know what to say. I settle for the honest truth about myself. "My secret is, by the standards of no rules in secrets, that I am completely unremarkable." True. He cringes when I say this for some reason. "I try to live my life just so I can get to the next day. Usually I'm sad but I know how to be happy too. Not very many people understand that. Everyone just thinks I'm depressed, but they don't do anything about it because they all just blame it on me being worried about Audrey. I am, but I don't know if there is something more wrong with me you know? Maybe you don't."

"I know what it's like to be sad and happy, and that people do not understad that. I'll be honest with you counseling doesn't help." I didn't say anything in response. I just blinked at him confused. "I'm not saying you need conselling or anything, it's just how it happened for me. It's how I landed myself a spot here. I don't have a disease- at least not the kind of disease that people think of when they think 'hospital.' But I'm better now so it's okay. Or at least that's what they say."

"You..." I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. 

"Yeah. I'll admit, when I went to sleep, I didn't think I'd wake up but I sure am glad I did, or else I wouldn't have met you."  I smile and blush a little. You know, if I make someone happy that they are alive, then it makes me beyond happy to be alive.  

Making me happy is hard to do.