Equilibrium (Reylo)

Six: Someone to You

Ren sensed what Rey was thinking after she asked that question, it was mostly for his sake. He reassured her, "It wasn't about you."

Rey sighed, relieved that he didn't dream of her death again, but still, he must've had a maybe a worse kind of dream that left the Master of the Kights of Ren this frightened. "Then what was it about?"

His answer came out hoarse, his voice so low he basically mumbled the words, "My father."

Rey felt her brows shoot up, giving him her full attention.

Ren cleared his throat. "I saw my father's ghost."

"Well," she said lowly, not sure if he would want to talk about it. So it's why she asked. "Did he. . .his ghost say anything?"

Ren dropped his chin and turned around, hiding his face from her view just in case it wouldn't match his tone. "He told me how disappointed he was of the abomination he raised."

Rey remembered the moment she was taken aback by Ren agreeing to her when she called him a monster. He was self-aware of the unrepentant villain she called him out to be. He didn't reframe from it. He didn't try to defend himself. Ren knew just as well as her how evil he was, how diabolical of a son he was to kill his own father. So she tried to figure out why he killed him, why he hated him. Because for whatever reason he did do, it made him hate himself. It made Ren think of himself as a monster.

Does he still feel that way does he?

That must be why he believes he belongs to the dark.

Rey leaned her head to the side, taking note that he hid once again when he spoke to her. "And how did that make you feel?"

Ren squeezed his fists. The sound of crunching leather pleasing to his ears. He felt the material clench under his fingers as he dug them deeper into his palms. Ren wished he were at his training room right now. He wished he could be practicing hand combat or slicing something through with his lightsaber. It's the one place he relieved himself of the horrid anger and rage that was always buried inside him and transferred it on to something else. He couldn't do that here, with her present.

He felt it start to rise in slow, small currents underneath his fingernails. Sure, all the redness didn't come out unless he's provoked, but he knew for himself he didn't have a high tolerance for most things. That was when Ben came in and tried to take over.

Ben—the part of him that reasoned about the cause of his rage. The voice in his head manifested from his early childhood. Ren's tried to make him go away many times. He usually does meditation—calling out Kylo Ren to conquer Ben Solo and snuff out the last trace of what is left of that weak boy inside. But ever since he met her. . .he didn't have much luck on that.

Ren wanted to badly pretend that what happened in his nightmare didn't effect him. That he was as emotionless as he claimed. But Ben just won't shut up!

Ben wanted him to share everything with her. To lean in to her comfort and pour everything into her like she was a sink that'll drain out all of his despair from the pain he for so long bottled up inside him. On the other hand, it wasn't as if he was ready to blurt out every concern that he held inside.

Ren noticed how calm he was around the scavenger. As well as the way he feels for her. Rey gave off vibes of serenity that rubbed off on him. It was like she had the ability to tame him. It was as if Rey delivered him a space where all his problems were forgotten and he could be a whole new person he always wanted to be with her. The person he could be with her—it felt all too familiar to be someone completely new. Not just the boy trying to stay in the light or the monster who stole the night. But someone else. Someone who could possibly. . .be both.