DEATH BATTLE

Episode 28: The Nostalgia Critic vs The Angry Video Game Nerd

Boomstick: Well damn! But that's not all ol' Doug's got up his sleeve. He can even ruin good franchises and shatter the fourth wall like fine china, for God's sakes! He can also teleport with no defined limit, change transitions, clone himself, shapeshift, banish people to Hell, and make explosions through any circumstances!

Wiz: And akin to Emperor Palpatine's force lightning, the Critic can, well... shoot lightning out of his hands. And he can firebend... though it really isn't as impressive as it sounds.

Boomstick: He can also summon the Burger King by, uh... saying... uh... "Elephant."

Wiz: The Critic has also displayed the ability to regenerate from injuries at a faster rate than a regular human, such as how he recovered when the Super Mecha Death Christ blasted him apart, and the Mecha can wipe through cities.

Boomstick: But you know what his defining feature is? He's died plenty of times, but he's always come back!

Wiz: And of course, the Critic isn't complete without his weapons. The Critic carries around such weapons as bats, whips, a Master Sword replica, a lightsaber, a katana, a bunch of grenades, a crowbar, and even a proton pack to banish ghosts.

Boomstick: But the Critic's favorite weapon is his Sig Sauer P226 pistol. This baby is powerful enough to obliterate its target's head with a single shot, turn a llama into splatter, and even kill off the entire cast of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog! It can also switch between modes like Armor Piercing, Rapid Fire, and even... uh... Back Massage and Lounge Music.

Wiz: Last but not least, the Critic has a few key transformations and failsafes to fall back on. First is, uhh... the Nostalgia Shit, which doesn't really do anything except grow to the size of the earth and sing very well.

Boomstick: He's also got a Power Rangers Suit, which pretty much lets him do Power Rangers poses and not make grass explode. Plus, he's got a giant Voltron mech called the Mega Big Voltronimus Primo, which is taller than f*ckin' mountains!

Wiz: And of course, when all else fails, the Critic can use his devotion and spirit for Christmas to tap into his strongest form, the Christmas Critic. At the bare minimum, this form is strong enough to shatter the planet with his sheer Christmas spirit, and actually cause the apocalypse!

Boomstick: Well damn, guess you can never go wrong with too much Christmas Spirit.

Wiz: And the Critic will not be going in this fight alone. He can summon the entity known as Santa Christ, a being which has accomplished a good number of feats to his name; including curing the Critic of diabetes, destroying the Star Wars holiday special, going surfing in outer space, fighting giant monsters for fun - including the Devil...

Boomstick: And he makes really mean pancakes!

Wiz: With all of that said, through his 400+ episodes, the Nostalgia Critic has accomplished a good number of impressive feats. He's reviewed some of the worst movies of all time; took down Rita and saved Power Rangers; took down Casper the Friendly Ghost with a proton gun; befriended the Devil himself and babysat his child; took over the country of Molassia; killed Dr. Insano and Santa Christ; and has even fought the Angry Video Game Nerd himself to a standstill.

Boomstick: And there was that one time when the universe threatened to collapse. Luckily, the Critic was there to stop it by merging with an entity known as... the Plot Hole!

Wiz: But despite his accomplishments and overwhelming power, the Nostalgia Critic is by no means perfect. First off, he's... not exactly the most self-contained, being known to break down in a state of emotional distress when the films he reviews are terrible enough.