Flickering and then out

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It had only been a month since the long hurtful night but the pain still lingered in his heart . Every time he looked at other couples , all the memories he shared with her came flooding back. Every night before going to sleep he would take a pledge that he would forget about her and start anew from tomorrow but he would fail at it miserably the very next day. He was becoming weaker day by day but the will to see her for the very last time was becoming very strong as the days passed by. His memories with her were still fresh and were always going to be so. She was so precious to him that he still remembered all the important days that he had spent with her. Lying on his bed he tries to remember all those lovely moments . Even though he does it everyday, he never gets tired of it. It was the only thing he was capable of doing and he loved it.

He still remembers the day she caught his eye. In fact, he remembers the exact date, month and year. It was on 5th march 2015 . It was raining that day. Since he didn't have any umbrella , he took shelter under the roof of a shop. He was playing on his phone while waiting for the rain to stop. Then suddenly he heard the door of the shop opening. He turned around and saw a girl coming out of the shop. The girl opened her umbrella and went away. Even though he only caught a glimpse of that girl, it was enough to make him mesmerised. Like a dumb he stood there looking at her till her figure disappeared from her sight. His heart was beating too fast looking at that breathtaking figure. He was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't realize that the rain had stopped pouring. Hearing his phone ring, he got out of the trance and picked it up. As he goes in remembering the moments, he can feel the pain not only in his heart but also throughout his body. But he still does it as he knows it's the very last time he can go over through all these memories and tomorrow will be a total different day. A day he was well prepared for from the starting but not others.

His mind then goes to the day he officially met her. It was a cold day in the month of November. He was talking with his best friend when the bell rang and the teacher entered the class followed by a girl. Very quickly his attention went to the girl and his eyes become wide open. The fluttering feeling once again began to build up in his heart. He tried to calm his heart but it wasn't listening to him. Soon the introductions were over and the girl went to sit on the chair beside his best friend as it was the only one empty. Throughout the class he sneakingly took glances at her. Trying to study her . He took note of every detail . The more he looked at her the deeper he fell for her. When it was time for lunch, he went to her seat since his best friend was talking to her. It was also his chance to introduce himself. And so he did and extended his hand for handshake. She returned it and even smiled at him. Her hand felt like velvet and fitted well with his hand. He liked how it felt to have her hand joined with her. He was loving it.

In less time he remembered by heart all the little things about her. He's the only one to notice that her eyes are chocolate brown and not black. She stutters when she is lying. She is a left handed girl who knows how to use her right hand perfectly. Her favourite colour is brown and she has a thing for guitarists. And he can list more about her , even the nano details without any difficulty.

Every time he met her , he slowly and slowly tried to gain confidence to let her know his love. Everyday he stood before the mirror for hours to practice his confession. Every night he tried to plan out an event for his confession. And one day he did confess to her . But being a coward that he was , he took the phone and sent her a message :

"When people used to talk about love at first sight, I thought it was cliché and impossible but then when I saw u for the first time I suddenly started believing that. You know, the day you entered the class was not the first time I saw you. I had first seen you when you were exiting a shop. You never saw me but I was able to capture a glance of you and it was enough to make my heart flutter. Then when I saw you entering the class i was shocked. I thought it was just a mere coincidence but i was happy that it happened. And when we became best friends, I realised fate is on my side. With every smile of yours' my day used to light up. And just like how mates feel the pain of each other, I felt yours too. I don't how know deep I have fallen in love with you because the depth is immeasurable. I know it's sudden but I hope you will allow me to wipe your tears and make you happy throughout your life. I hope you understand how I feel and sorry for such a clichéd letter. Its my first time writing a love letter and i know I am bad at it. But as time passes, I'll learn to write better ones just for you.

Sending the message he returned his friend back his phone. The smile on his face was too bright. He was hurting inside yet he smiled back at his friend , gave a hug and went away. Even though his day had gone bad, the silent night still threw a big rock at him. That night everything shattered in his life. And he had no more time to fix them . The news he got that day resulted in him being hospitalised.

Tears were continuously flowing as he remembered the day- 5th April 2016. Its the day when all his dreams, hopes and wishes came crashing down. Even if he wanted to build them once again he knew he doesn't have much time. Since that day all he ever felt was pain. Pain that was killing him day by day. He had heard that patients suffering from leukemia suffer great pain. And now he is one of them. But the pain to which he has already submitted to is nothing compared to the pain he felt when he had to confess to her on his friend's behalf. He knew she loved his friend and so he helped both of them to get together.

Looking at the ceiling he travelled through his memories. And when he had finished he realised the pain was increasing by every second. Though everyone was sure he would live through many more days to come, he knew today is the final day he'd lie on the bed of this hospital. Today he got to recall all the memories for a final time. He never regretted anything except for one - that he won't be able to see her for the last time. His wish to propose her was not fulfilled but still he was happy for she was happy and his friend too. And that mattered a lot to him

As the pain increased he smiled and said only one thing before closing his eyes forever.

"I love you for eternity"

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