Diary of a Young Adult

January 1st, 2018

1:30 A.M.

Well, Happy New Year Journal,

I know it's really late (1:30 A.M.) but hell, I just really want to write about what had happened in the first few hours/minutes since 2k18 started, so me and my cousins decided to stay up till 12 o'clock A.M. I really think that was a bad idea to be 100% honest. I know that I'm underage, but I had about four bottles of Smirnoff Green Apple.I did not want to go to sleep earlier and miss out going into 2018 with a bang. But I'm not going to lie, it was so frickin awesome that I was the one to light the New Year Fireworks. It was so much fun Y'all. I just wished that I was able to light them faster since I wasn't able to light all of them at the same time but it's okay. It was still an amazing moment. I wish I was able to run quickly to light both fireworks but it's okay. I always have the next few years to light. But anywho, I'm gonna sleep now and talk to you later when I wake up.

9:30 A.M.

Good Morning Journal,

So I woke up this morning is so much fucking pain and. I really hate the fact that my calves hurt so much. I try to wake up and stretch but something in my calf makes both of them in pain. Kind of like I had something pulling a muscle and just slowly ripping a little in my leg. But then again I have some very big calves and it's very hard to fit these calves into some jeans, to be honest. Like girls have problems with their butts I have problems with my calves and my thighs. I have some big thighs also. These two are the most annoying because my thighs rub together and through my jeans and I end up either getting holes or they rip and it's not fun walking around with holes in my pants while working with kindergarten and first graders. But thank god I don't have freaky kids that look in between my legs or like Theo, lift up my shirt to look at my stomach... I mean I guess it's my fault that I'm an overweight eighteen-year-old that is wearing XL shirts instead of XXL shirts to work. I'm just like "little boy can you stop? I'll report your ass to my boss for lifting up my shirt."

Okay so because of this situation I've thought about making a new year resolution... Also, I never made any resolutions for every new year but I think I should try and make some resolution this year but everyone else seems to make them for me... I think this year, my new year resolution should be to lose at least some weight since almost everyone in my family is complaining about my weight which is very fucking annoying because I either have people touching the "fat" that's on my body and it's fucking annoying when people though my body or pinch my body, to be honest... Like, don't fucking touch me, you guys... I do not want you touching me guys knock it off. I think that's the reason why I'm so insecure because they want me to look a certain way. Like it makes me feel pretty fucked up that people want me to please other people/peers... My grandmother watches too much of "My 600 lb Life" and she told me "If you become like those people and you start weighing 600 pounds, your moving out of this house and living with your parents because I'm not taking care of you." That kinda hurt me because I had been kicked out of the house by her husband not once, but twice, and till this day I still don't forgive my grandfather or her because she wanted me to apologize for yelling at him and she kept telling me that he would cry saying that he missed me... I really don't understand why I should I apologize to him because he is really not a nice person. He is very rude, he leaves the toilet seat up, and I feel like he is just always grouchy.

I think another resolution that I should stick with is looking for a full-time job. I'm not gonna lie, I do get a lot of shit about this too because my mother continues to say that I "do not have medical." I know that I'm probably not making much money but I'm fucking trying. Like no joke it's fucking hard looking for a full-time job since I don't drive... I just wish that there was a way to just continue to do the shit I need to do or actually want to do. I was so fucking close to going to college since I got into college on Maui, but fuck it, looks like I can't go since I don't have financial aid, they wanted to go to a community college that on this island instead of somewhere else on a different island that literally an island away. I wish there was a way that I can do the things that I can do that's not that far away since I really want to do my classes at the place I really want to but hell I can't because I don't have the money either. So... yeah.

Well, I pretty much did nothing today but watch some Buzzfeed on my phone and now my charger is acting up and doesn't want me to charge my phone... so I guess I'm just gonna go for now since it's almost 3 o'clock P.M. and my grandfather has to pick up my grandmother at 4:30 P.M. and I am still in my night clothes from last night and had not brushed my hair. So, I guess I'll just continue writing this until I after I get back. See you later in a bit Journal.

7:20 P.M.

Hey Journal,

So, I'm back... again. So just like I though, my grandfather was talking to me about joining the military or trying to lose weight. I'm not going to lie, I do want to lose weight but I just don't want people to pressure me into doing because I want to be healthy for myself not because I have family members constantly biting my ass to lose this damn weight I'm carrying around since I was like 2nd grade. But knowing myself I wanted to cry so I turned to some of my friends for help. I messaged my friends Jacob and Jessica, one of my close friend on the same island as me and who's boyfriend is living on Oahu. I also messaged my friends from New York, California, Kauai, and Oahu again. My friend Angel from California told me that I shouldn't let the troubles bother me and to write a story putting my full focus into it because I love to write and writing is where I could run away from the world and write my own world and how I could change everything and pretend to make my family proud when I know that I can't in real life. 

I'm so blessed that I have all these friends that really believe in me and remind me that I can do anything if I put the work and effort into it. I'm also proud of myself today cause I was able to pay my phone bill even though it was $40.07 I was able to pay it off. I'm just hoping this month won't be too much money since the WiFi motor was acting up lately. But other than that I'm proud that I was able to pay off my first phone bill.

Well, it's 12:20 A.M so, looks like I'll write more in tomorrow's entry. Until then Journal,

Sleep Tight,

Ceci Girl.