The Moon

where it starts

7th grade. It was 7th grade where it all started. I remember being in the locker room and a girl was showing her scars to her friends. I told my mom about it that same day. I told her how stupid self-harm was and that I would never do it. That I will never put a knife, or anything sharp near my skin, that I won't be stupid like that. Now that im older I know that the girl was just doing it for attention, she showed her friends and told them how she did it, she showed the what she used. Now that im older I know that self-harm is indeed stupid, but I do it anyway. So that makes me stupid, right? Anyway, later on that year I started feeling unhappy, really unhappy, I was being bullied in school and it stressed me the fuck out. Class was terrible, the kids where terrible, and the bullies where terrible. Stuff at home weren't that great either. I talked back at my mom, and she hated me for that, so I hated me for making her hate me. I started self-harming, scratching myself until I bled. And it was like that all 7th grade, me having some good days, and me having some bad days. I didn't know if I was loved, I thought everyone hated me, not that I don't think that now, of course I still think that at times. I don't trust everyone, I think everyone thinks im annoying, I think my friends talk behind my back, I think they just pity me, and that's why they're with me. But I don't know, maybe its true, maybe it's just my anxiety getting the best of me, who knows. I just know that all of my problems started in 7th grade, even though I went through so much during my early stages of life. My mom went through so much during my early stages of life. But that's not something I should discuss at the moment, maybe another time, but not now, not now.