Nothing ever gone wrong until i turned 9 years old . My brother would slowly back away from me , he doesnt acknowledge me as his younger sister. Yes we are five years apart but my sister and i are 10 years apart yet we are so close . I thought to myself " maybe he just wants to act cool. U know, typical boys " but i suddenly doubt that.
I feel that my parents especially my mother dislike me . Now, i cant say " hate" because technically , she IS my biological mother . What kind of mom hates her child ?
I tried to do all the basic things at home to prevent my mom from nagging, but, she picks up every small thing and starts screaming at me .
Once i got to a point that i need to find something to release the tension in my mind. I felt uneasy,
I ran into my room , locked the door behind me and took out a middle sized blade that i removed from my un-used sharpener .
I thought about what ive gone through and i clenched my fist and slowly slide the blade across my left wrist causing small beads of blood to form.
I was new to blades at that time . I have always, always, always, used a broken sharp ruler to cut . But this time, it changed :)
As i slowly watch the blood drip, i started crying. I didnt know what was going on. Part of me regretted it but part of me says that 3 lines is not good enough .
But, i slowly put my blade down, my left hand was shaking , i walked to the toilet to grab some wet wipes to wipe the dried up blood and bandaged it up.
At that time, my mom left home to run some errands and will be back home late at night .
I put on my over sized blue sweater and went to sleep.
I was really having a good time asleep , escaping all those voices from my head when i was awaken by my noisy neighbours .
So i went to the toilet to redo my bandage when my boyfriend texted me. He was coming to my place to make sure i was fine, i took off my sweater , washed my face and went back to sleep as i have taken some sleeping pills.
My boyfriend was beside me , by my bed side. I slowly lifted my head up, feeling weak and dizzy. But there was one thing i forgot. " My bandage !!" I screamed in my head.
" hey, u feeling alright? What happened? Show me your wrist" he asked
I refused
He slowly pull my left arm closer to him .
" why. Is it your mom again?" He cried
I pulled my arm away " im fine. Come watch tv with me"
But he wanted to bring me some where . I kept asking him where we were going but he just said " somewhere"
He brought me to a park. A park far from my home. I wondered why but i was too weak to run away because of the sleeping pills i had earlier .
After the long journey from the park , we reached home. He held my hand and walked up to my house.
" thanks. Bye " i said .
He looked at me with concerned eyes.
" dont worry okay" i said as i walked into my room.
I turned my mobile phone on and my social media page were filled with hate accounts of me . I read into one of the hate accounts and this is what it said " useless bitch. She doesnt have a family, she is ugly, she is nothing " i broke down in tears, and i ran out of my home.
The next day , i did not attend school. My mom didnt notice that i was gone for a long time. I spent my days in my boyfriend's house all the way in the south of Singapore . He lived on the 30th floor, enough to tempt me to jump out of his bedroom window. Yet, i resisted.
