Omg! A Matty Healy Fanfic

// C H A P T E R F O U R //

Sometimes I don't even know who I am. I'm all kinds of people .One day I'm Marilyn Monroe, the next Joan Jett. How do you just go from that to...that?! I confused even my own self. My style was all over the place.

My notification tone went off.

I turned and looked at my pillow.

I'll change my clothes first, then answer. That way, it seems like I'm a busy person. Not waiting for his reply at all...I started changing, quickly without noticing. "K," I bet that's what he said. What is he supposed to say, "oh hey you're so beautiful I love you let's get married and die together?"

I laughed at my thoughts, you're so stupid.

Oh no...why are you caring so much, you can't like George, you don't even know him. All he did was give you a ride home. Matty was the one you had your eye on, right? Yes. Correct. Stop thinking so much about George.

I sighed and walked over to the bed, plopping down and grabbing my phone from under my pillow.

"Hey, you're actually in your own house now right? Ha."

I smiled right away, he actually asked me a question...he didn't just say..."K."

I sighed and responded, "Yesss...thanks again :)"

--------------------------

I'd never been so excited for psychology. I had spent all morning changing outfits, I ended up wearing all black...with dark lipstick...MAC's Film Noir. it seemed smart at the time, but now I hoped that when I saw Matty he wouldn't notice that I'd decided to dress like him to get his attention or something. I sat in the same seat as yesterday.

I didn't have to wait, I knew Elaine had no one in her office the moment. But I hoped to see Matty again. Maybe he'll be late...he came in a few minutes after you last time...remember...

I looked at the entrance, feeling like a creep I finally stopped staring at it and looked somewhere else. Elaine came out, looking at me and smiling.

"You're welcome to come in now if you'd like?" She said, her shirt lower cut that even last week. I tried my hardest not to look at her breasts, it's not that I wanted to, they were just there. You couldn't help but to look at them. Maybe she was waiting for Matty too, the way she was dressed.

I smirked at my stupidity.

Why would she be waiting on him anyway? She probably had a husband or something. I wished I could turn my mind off momentarily, but that of course is not possible.

I took a seat, she shut the door and grabbed her clipboard, sitting down also.

"How are you today?" She asked.

"Great." I smiled.

She raised her eyebrows, "well that is an improvement since last week. What's gotten you so up?"

I looked around, smiling still, "I've met people. I usually feel alone all the time, and I am. But I actually met people, and one of those people have been talking to me quite often."

Elaine smiled, "and how does that make you feel?"

I didn't really feel anything except...great..."great." I said.

She positioned herself more in her seat, looking at me, "try to find a deeper explanation of your feelings, a deeper connection with them...than just great."

I closed my eyes for a second, trying to really get in touch with how I felt, "I guess..." I thought a little longer, "...important..." I opened my eyes, Elaine nodded, watching me.

"Like...I actually matter in the world. I'm part of the universe...not just watching it." I said.

------------------------------

Matty hadn't shown up that day.

I wondered if he'd quit or thought it was stupid...maybe he didn't need it...I didn't need it...my stupid dad just thought I ought to have it with the stress load of university piling on my back that it would blow off the internal steam...he said I bottled myself up too much...and I guess he was right. But that's what I had my journal for, as well as my sketchbook. That's where I released everything.

Every pain and every ache. Every thought in my brain, or illusion of my mind.

Well, at least I wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of him seeing me in all black. Or maybe it wasn't as big a deal as I thought, I mean hey he's not the only person on earth who was allowed to wear the color, right?

I walked out of the entrance door, just as, bumping into someone and falling right onto my ass. My purse fell off my shoulders, all of it's contents spilling onto the floor as I hadn't zipped it before I left Elaine's office.

"I'm so sorry, excuse me," the voice. I looked up, it was Matty.

I quickly tried to put my self together, fixing my hair and grabbing my purse, hurrying to get everything back inside, especially my lady products, even though it was perfectly normal to have them, I still didn't want him to see them. He helped, handing me my California ID card and driver's licenses, while sneaking glances at the photos as he did so.

"Katie," he smiled.

"Hi, Matty, I didn't know it was you." I smiled.

"I didn't know it was...you," he shrugged, "hey look I'm really late, I'm really sorry." He said, walking backwards slowly, "I'll see you later?" He asked.

"I...guess so." I shrugged, I didn't know if he really meant it or if he was just saying it casually...casually of course. Stop over thinking everything.

"Alright, see ya." I waved, smiling as I watched him hurry into Elaine's office.