Kaira OS Series

Karthik OS - Meaningless Breathing

Entire Story in Karthik's POV

A smile adorns my face as I look around my renovated room, the changes I made in the past two days pleased me but I was not done yet. The room had once been a normal guy's room but now it was changed. I made sure that she was in every corner, her name, her pictures filled the room. There were pictures in which she was smiling, some in which she were laughing, in a few she was pouting. Her pout is the cutest thing ever I think it can make anyone's anger melt like ice cream under the hot Sun. The sheets that covered the bed, the pillows covers, even the curtains all had multiple pictures of her printed on them. My eyes drifted to a tin of black paint that lied in the corner of the room. I stared deeply into the colour, it matched my life so well, for like the dark colour my life was now completely filled with darkness. I picked up the brush and set to work, dipping it in the thick ebony black liquid and letting the unwanted contents drip back into the tin and than stroked the brush on the white wall, staining it. Each time I stroked the paint coated brush on to the white walls and blackened it, it reminded me how my love changed. How the light in my life was suddenly switched off and before I could even know it darkness had filled every corner.

I had been born as Karthik Manish Goenka, son of Udaipur's biggest business tycoon. The heir to Udaipur's biggest business empire. The future of Goenka industries. Money can buy anything, Status is above everything and Minds rules the heart. This is what my father had tried to teach me ever since I was a kid. He wanted to make me practical, someone who would never let their heart come between their decisions. Some who would not behave like an emotional fool and see what the situation demands and use their head to solve the mess, rather then their heart. But I turned out exactly opposite of what he desired. I had been my mother's child and to me what she taught was to be followed and nothing else. She would argue with my father that money could neither by life nor love. When Dad would tell me that we should always maintain our status in the society, she would reprimand him of teaching me such rubbish and lovingly explain how it was more important to take care of your loved ones instead. That even if we were to fall from the sky and hit the ground, there would be people who would still love us like they always did. I remember her saying many times it is easy to choose your mind above your heart, because mind depends on logic and proves, things that you see with your own eyes, it is easy to form a belief because everything is in infornt of you. With matters of the heart it is so much more complicated, it is a feeling that can neither be seen nor shown. It is always hard to believe in something that is not before you. If you follow your head your walk will be easy but once you reach your destination, you would never be satisfied. Listen to your heart instead, the path will be a bit rocky, you will find your surrounding gloomy and dark, yet don't give up because once you reach the end you will be more than content with what you have received. My mother passed away when I was 10, I couldn't bear her going away from me, I was so deeply attached to her that her sudden demise shook me from within. Everyone agreed that it was better that I be sent away and so I was. First though hurt at being sent to boarding school for off in USA, I soon got over it believing that it was done for my own good and waited for my last year of schooling to get over after which I would go back to India for further studies and stay with my family. But as usually life had it's own plans for me. Seven years flew by since the unfortunate event of my mother leaving forever, I was in my last year of schooling. I had got a call to come back home. I had been so very happy thinking that my wait had finally come to an end but when I reached home I got to know the truth. My father was getting remarried as soon as I entered the hall I noticed the wedding rituals taking place, I stood rooted not knowing what to do or say, I was beyond shocked at the scene in front of me. My plans than took a complete U turn I decided I never wanted to be back home.

Ever since that day I had been searching for that peace that love which I had when my mother was there. Than finally I found that love, I found it in Rishikesh, I found it in the form of her. My mendaki, My sherni, My Veeru, My best friend, My girl, My beloved, My Naira, My everything. She was irritable to the the core and at once I had decided to dislike her. At the end of the trip however my feelings had changed completely and changed for the better. She had entered my heart, I had realized that in her absence but during the wedding of Yash and Rose, the engagement ceremony to be exact, I had come to terms with what I truly feel for her. That it was not just merely liking her but loving her with all my heart. Many times did I try to restrict myself from falling more deeply for her but I failed miserably. My heart was no more in my control, it belonged completely to her now. Her smile my happiness, her tears my sadness. My world began to revolve around her, only her. For months I had no idea of her feelings, I had no guts to communicate my own to her. At length during our Switzerland trip I did confess what I felt for her but ended up facing rejection when I insisted on an answer. Though my heart break didn't last forever and on Diwali I had at last got to know from ma'am and sir that she too loved me and the next night when I heard her confess the same, my happiness knew no bounds. I was on cloud nine as I heard her say that she loves me. In these 7 months I hadn't just found love but family as well. In that family I found that peace that satisfaction that I earlier used to have while being between my biological family when my mother was very much alive. Ma'am was so much like my own mother in every way, she loved me dearly, like I was her own son, her behaviour towards me always touched my heart. It was what helped me bond with this wonderful family even better, the other reason was of course my love for Naira. Not only in ma'am but even in Rajshri Aunty had I found a mother. I had got more than I ever wanted, more than ever deserved and I was most thankful to Krishna for it, little knowing that he planned to snatch it all for me.

I had been with a few hostel friends and than decided to leave them to meet my beloved. I don't remember what happened very well all that I know was my car hit a rock and my eyes opened at the hospital. I felt distressed as I found that Naira paid no visit to me while I was not conscious. I waited for her, I sake the nurses and doctors if there was any girl named Naira waiting in the hospital hallways but instead received a negative response always. A horrid and unpleasant feeling filled my heart. I couldn't just stay waiting at the hospital so I sneaked out without informing a single person and reached home, Singhania mansion. Only to realize that it wasn't home anymore, because no one considered me their own anymore. I felt the floor slip away from under my feet when Naira blamed me for having cause ma'am's accident. I felt short of breathe as the words accusing me of such a heinous crime left her mouth. I turned about the room and saw someone at a corner assuming that figure to be Akshara Ma'am's I took quick steps towards it only to realize it was my step mother's. It was than I came to terms with the fact something terrible had occurred, something that snatched my mother from me yet again. And this time I was to be blamed for it, blamed by my own love, my own family. Words would fall less to describe the pain that engulfed my heart. I had lost everything, what I had ever valued. I scanned the room to find that same love in their eyes, but it wasn't their. I only found in their eyes pain for lossing their beloved, daughter, daughter in law, mother, sister in law, sister, wife and aunt and disgust for myself the one to be blamed and that killed me thousands times every second. I screamed continuously of my innocence but no one listened. My heart shattered as I saw the silent stares that surrounded me. What I had lost was something that my life depended on and now I had no reason to live. The police arrested me and I went willingly. I had no want to stop them, for if my own family had no trust in me why should I trust myself even the slightest bit. My chachu convinced me though that I must stay strong and instead win everyone's trust back. I went back to Singhania mansion once again, with the aim of making my love trust me. For me trust never came with proofs and clues, it came from the heart, it was just like love. That is why I didn't understand when Naira asked a reason for me trust, because wasn't that the meaning to trust, to have belief, to have faith though everything points against it. My efforts to convince her of my innocence had been entirely useless, instead it had a completely reversed effect. It ended with us ending up at the accident spot where she accussed me yet agpain for snatching all the happiness of her family. I am not that hurt with her behaviour because I know what pain she must have endured. Pain of loosing her mother, pain of seeing her family so broken, but as she blamed me for what she did I felt like dying and I attempted to do the same only to be stopped by my sister in time before I could take a jump that would lead to my death. She took me home trying to explain me, get me to understand things, clearly mad at my suicide attempt. I had than comeback and changed my room so that I would see my Naira in every corner of it.

I looked at the black painted walls, not a single spot of white just like my life, not a single ray of hope. I lifted up another paint brush a much smaller one and than dipped it in a smaller tin of white paint and wrote her name. Naira. A smile appeared on my face as I traced my father around the name. I continued to do the same multiple times until the wall was filled, with her name. Each time my brush painted the word Naira I found solace. Even though I had lost her trust her past memories gave me enough pleasure to make me survive. That was my aim now to make theses weeks or months worth living. That is why I had renovated the room because I wanted her memories to surround me for this last moments, after which I would probably imprisoned forever, maybe even hanged. I had no intention of proving myself innocent, no intention of escaping any sort of punishment. I was ready for death for I had no reason to live. Naira believed that I killed her mother than I did. Naira believed I snatched her family's happiness, so I must have. For me she is my everything, what she considers the truth is the truth and what she announces to be a lie is a lie. It is as she says it is,no matter if everything in the world points against it that isn't my concern. I love her she is my world and it is as she says. My life was from her but if she is not to bothered in my life why shall I live. It is meaningless. And something told me there were only a few more meaningless breaths left.