My Life Thoughts

Beautiful Moments

20th December 2017

Today I looked at the sky and it was grey. Gloomy, cloudy, cold. It makes me miserable just staring at it. No rain, no wind, no snow. Just plain grey. Above me. Moving ever so slowly, not uttering a sound. It is silent and still. The grey clouds in the sky. And strangely enough I hate it. Those clouds which hold rain, aren't allowing a single drop of water to hit the earth. Those clouds which are clearly sad and upset, are silent and slowly moving as if everything is okay. No sound, no rain, no lightning, no nothing. Those clouds I hate. 

I want to scream at them, "Why are you silent? What's wrong? Why are you here, giving us all grief with your presence if you are silent? Why don't you go disappear? Let the sun shine so we can feel happy".

Huh. Happy. That word rings in my ear. 'Happy' 'happiness', what is it? We all strives for happiness but what is it indeed? Is it what we think is it or are we lost in its meaning which society has given us. What is happiness? Are those grey clouds that I see part of happiness? No they can't be. I hate those grey clouds. They brings me sadness and pain and worst of all, they resemble me. And not just me, everyone else who is suffering like me. 

Those grey clouds are me. 

I want to scream, cry, shout. I want to make a fuss and express my emotions to the world. Am I okay? No. I am not okay. But I am hiding those emotions. "Conceal don't feel". Ha, who knew that the words from a Frozen song could hit so deep? For right now, I am concealing what is inside me. Pretending that everything is okay. I don't feel a thing, for I am not human. It seems that humans are incapable of feeling other emotions apart from happiness. 

Do you remember? I asked you. What is happiness? What is happiness?

Happiness to me, is not just the essence of feeling happy. No. It goes beyond that. To become happy, you must experience hardships, failures and sadness. It's like Ying and Yang. "The shadow cannot exist without light". 

If you never experienced those difficult moments in your life, would you be happy? Would you understand what happiness is? Would you appreciate the positive things in life? If you had no knowledge of unhappiness, would happiness exist?

A wise young man, named Kim Namjoon (2015), once said, 

" Happiness is not something that you have to achieve. You can still feel happy during the process of achieving something. Something can be beautiful because there's something horrible. If you can accept that those hard times are part of the beautiful moments in life, I think you can truly understand our Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life)" 

Those grey clouds won't be there forever. Behind those clouds shines down the warm bright golden light that is our sun. But for now, let those clouds come, let them stay. Accept them, cherish them, comfort them. Don't try to change them. For it is those clouds that are part of the beautiful moments in life.