Saving Swift

Chapter Four

"What happened?" "Who did it?" "Did you see a liscense plate?" "Any description?" The questions swirled around me, voices detached from bodies. I took a deep breath, pressing my fingers into my temples in an attempt to ease the headache I had gotten. The pounding, throbbing, headache. 

"I don't know!" I suddenly yelled, instantly surprised at my outburst. 

My mom came over to me and started rubbing my back in circles--it always helped me calm down. 

"It-it just came out of no where. One minute, I was just driving along the road, minding my own business, the next headlights appeared and suddenly I was spinning, turning the steering wheel," I told them everything I remembered. 

"Were you driving in the wrong lane?" my mom asked, her blue eyes carefully looking at me. 

I shook my head, "No, I was in my lane, it was the other person who was out of their lane." 

A police officer nodded, "I don't know if there's anything we can do about it. Normal people have this happen to them every day." 

"But Taylor isn't normal! She's Taylor Swift. She's my daughter. Is there anyway we can find who did this?" my mom exclaimed. 

The officer shook his head, "Not unless we have a description or lisencse plate, I'm sorry, m'am."

"It's okay, mom," I whispered softly, rubbing her arm gently, "I'm okay."

She eyed me carefully, and whispered one word, "Security."

The people dispersed and I climbed back into my car--seeing as we had all just gathered on the side of the road--and drove back to my apartment, slightly shaken. It was okay, it was going to be okay. I was fine. Aria called me while I was driving.

"Hello," I answered my hands-free call set.

"Taylor! Are you okay?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," I told her, relaxing. "I'm perfectly okay."

"I was worried, I heard a screech of tires and my mom drove by and told me," she said.

"I'm fine, it's okay," I assured her.

I took a deep breath as I listened to her ramble on and on about how worried she was. On the one hand, it was weird to have someone worry about me--other than my family, on the other hand, it was nice. Comforting. Like, I had a sister that cared about me. 

"Aria, I'm home now, I'll call you later, okay? I have to get out of the car, otherwise people will think I'm weird," I told her.

"Okay, Tay," she laughed, "Talk to you later." 

I grabbed my bag and went into my apartment. My heels clacked against the tile, the sound familiar and calming. I entered the elevator and took deep breaths as the elevator... elevated... me up to my floor. 

When I entered my apartment I made sure to lock the door behind me. Meredith appeared, meowing ferociously. I smiled, hanging up my bag and kicking off my shoes before knelting down to pet her. I picked her up--she was surprisingly heavy--and carried her into the kitchen where I filled her dish with cat food. 

"Meredith, do you ever just... not like what you're going through?" I asked, looking down at my fluffy cat who was busy eating food to pay attention to me. 

"Maybe I should write a song about it..." I thought to myself, looking around my apartment. 

I cooked myself a quick dinner of pasta and meatballs before settling in on the couch with Meredith, ready to have a marathon of Grey's Anatomy. 

Ten episodes later, it was about midnight. And I was tired. I stood up and stretched out, popcorn kernels falling to the ground. I picked up the popcorn bowl and took it over into the kitchen--I would clean it in the morning. I got ready for bed, putting on my pajamas, brushing my teeth, combing my hair. I snuggled under the covers and pulled out my phone to check twitter before sleeping. 

Big. Mistake. 

First, I scrolled through some of my favorite fan accounts (yes, I had favorites, no they didn't know I stalked them constantly) and smiled at all the funny and wonderful things they had tweeted that day. 

I decided to RT some tweets and laughed as the fandom basically exploded, filling my mentions. I grinned as I scrolled through them, reading all the wonderful things before... I got to the hate. The hate that clouded up my mentions like a dark cloud in a blue sky, like a sudden whirl of dirt in a clear pond, like a... well, you get it. 

"@taylorswift13 almost got into a crash today, wish she had died"

"@taylorswift13 go die, Taywhore" 

"@taylorswift13 rumor has it taywhore got into a crash, shows how horrible she is"

"@taylorswift13 i hate you"

They went on and on. I felt tears pricking at my eyes as I read what people had to say. I loved my fans and that aspect of twitter, but the part where people constantly degraded everything I did was kind of saddening. I was trying my best, couldn't they understand that? Did they know what it felt like to have their life under a microscope? Constantly being poked and prodded at by the sharp words people thought were "just an opinion"? How much it hurt to see so many people hating me? I couldn't... couldn't do it. Not for much longer. 

After a few hundred more people telling me to go die, I managed to swing my crying self out of bed and into the bathroom. I flipped on the lights and stared at my reflection. My gross, horrible, sobbing, reflection. 

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed, sobbing more and more. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" 

I dug through drawers, looking for the relief I knew was hidden in them. The silver blades. In the back of my mind, I heard Aria's voice, I knew she would be disappointed in me for doing this but everyone else hated me, why not add one more person? My hands shook as I drew the blade to my skin, my heart pounding. 

"I. Hate. You," I said through gritted teeth as I pulled the blade across my skin, watching as red dots lined the cuts, the stinging taking place of the thoughts swirling around in my head. I kept going at it, cutting the innocent skin,  until my mind was numb. Until, all I thought about was the pain. Nothing else. I was finally in control again. 

A/N: so I kinda hated writing that last part because it hurts me to think of Taylor not liking herself. I love Taylor & it hurts me to see her hurt, you know? Well, at any rate, here you go. Another chapter :)