Tears || Emilio Martinez

Ocean

hola!
ya girl aka me is back with a brand new book
its been a rough times right? yep, the twins and team10
but aside from that, let's just keep supporting whoever that is for the best of their career🖤

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I don't even know if this suitcase will fit all my stuff. But i guess it will since i don't have that many things and clothes. I just ran away from my house a few days ago and i receive 0 phone calls or text messages from that person i used to call "dad". But i don't care, all i do care about is just my self and where im gonna go after this.

This must be the roughest year of my life, but if i stop for a sec, i know i'll keep thinking about it endlessly and i might not going anywhere but being murdered by my dad and everyone will found me dead in my room alone. Its the worst way to die. If im still gonna die, at least i died trying to run away.

I can't even think of anything else but where to hide bcs that psychopath will find me in a very short amount of time. This whole tragedy leads me into a really deep and risky arguments with my only best friend, Tessa Brooks.
"I don't know.. i mean i don't care about where im gonna sleep later on, but im not a famous person. i.. uh.. i don't even have that many friends ya know? Im not gonna fit there and i'll ended up bullied" No fucking way Tessa is telling me to stay with her.

"Why would you think that way Zal? They will be your friends no matter what" Said Tessa.

"Its not that easy Tessa, its just something in me that doesn't really sure about this" i finally have an eager to refuse.

"Just give it a shot Z, i'll pick you up at 10 tomorrow. i don't want you to sleep around the street! what kind of peron who let their bestie for being homeless?!" Then she hang up the phone.

I sit on the corner of my bed, crying. A social introvert like me will never ever get along with the extroverts. But i mean, hopefully i'll find someone to hang around with there.
I know that it might be a curse inside of me that i'll face everything alone no matter how hard the situation.
I wish i'll have at least someone that i can trust for the rest if my life eventough i highly doubt i'll find one. Bcs im sick of having fake ass friends, it's useless. Plus, im not gonna stay there for long. At least until my mom finally stay at her new boyfriend's house.

I lay on my bed, those bad memories came trough my head. Then i rolled up my sweatpants and staring at those bruises and scars on my thigh, feeling weak, lost, broken, useless and unworthy. "Why did everyone that i loved, i loved alone?" i whisper to my self, my chest hurt as i tried to breathe. Believe me, all i need is just a love from both my mom and my dad. And look what they did to me physically and mentally.

Im getting used to feeling lonely, unwanted, and vulnerable at the same time. But being all alone in the sadness and pain and have no one to talk to is a whole another level of lonely. Its like the whole world turns into a pitch black cave and i can see a dot of light in front of me.
But i'll never reach the end of the cave no matter how fast im running.

Even Tessa were done trying to talk to me. I know she was real pissed bcs im a fucking shy ass person, but pushing me trough this boundaries in this moment are just fucking me up even more. I know she shouldn't push me like that, i also know she won't forgive her self if she finds me somewhere on the street. I know this is all my fault. Again.

Then i walk to the balcony and take a cigar from my pocket and light it up.
Then i hear the door is slowly open. "Zal?"
"Im here"
"I got you some food"
Then i look back, Tessa is standing next to my bed with full of junk foods in her hand "Thanks T"
"Can we talk for a minute?"
"You said you'll pick me up tomorrow at 10?"
"Yeah, but..."
"It's okay T, im sorry"