The Hacks of Gorm, Part XXXIX: Just Who Do Taxing Cuts Help?

Just Who Do Taxing Cuts Help?

Gorm took a deep breath, his rage diminishing, and stared at Calloff. The new, fell Official of this land had a knife to Gottschalk's throat. The man glared back and then smiled, the red darkness of his Equalitarian soul showing in his eyes.

Knowing what danger his friend was in, Gorm lowered his axe and looked down at one of the cultist heads he had decapitated. He frowned at its pretentious, blue-dyed haircut and picked it up for a barber-barbarian critique.

Calloff and even the other officials on stage gasped. Yes, they were all corrupt: Zombie Public Lords, Demoncrats, and their servants, but they were still taken aback by Gorm's gruesome barbarity.

Gottschalk noticed this and also the twinkle in Gorm's eye. Had the possessing spirit, the Great Spence, come to control him again like it had before (in Part XXXV)?

"Drop it, barbarian!" scolded Calloff finally. "We have had enough of your Hateful Attempts at Manipulating Minds!"

Gorm grinned back, not caring for Calloff's accusation nor his hairstyle. With barbarian might, he roared, hurled the decapitated head at Calloff, and rushed forward. Just as suddenly though, another leapt down from the stage to kick Gorm back: it was Nanna Legosi!

The Demoncrat woman, though quite decrepit and foolishly tolerant of insubordinate 'dreaming' goblin minions, moved with disturbing, chiropteran grace. Gorm looked at her, aghast as her unnatural, elderly body stretched, her fine jewel necklace jangling above her deep sagging mammilla, and she circle-kicked him right in his mighty crotch. Dazed, he responded with a hack from his great axe, but she was quicker, dropping into an even more disturbing split and knocking the large man off his feet.

Calloff took a moment to cheer her, but Gottschalk elbowed him in the gut and rolled out of the way. This was just enough to save him when Calloff cursed and tried to stab.

As the fight continued, it appeared that the citizens were beginning to become more enlivened. They had come to hate the cultists and their tyranny of course, and here were two men willing to not only defeat cultists, but also willing to take on the cult leaders, as well. It reminded them of the crusades of Salpinx during the year past, before he had been corrupted by the Draining Swamp.

The Zombie Public Lords noticed the crowd's reaction and then looked back down at the fight too. Yes, their first inclination was to start eating everyone's brains, but these were more evolved zombies and they knew of more sophisticated ways to do that.

"The people are unhappy with the way things are gooooing!" moaned McBrain and Living Groanham in unison.

"Yes! We need to DOOOO something!" added Twitch McCorpsal. His jaw fell off for a moment as he grabbed for a large sack.

"Taxing cuts!" moaned All Dyin finally. "That will defeat the Demoncrats and please the peooooople!"

Nanna Legosi and Official Calloff grasped their heads at that. Being Equalitarians, taking other peoples' money was a key feature of their Enlightened Approach of forcing everyone to become Equal, no matter what, and any talk of not doing so, or of even only doing so to a lesser extent, was anathema.

Gorm and Gottschalk couldn't fathom why both groups would see this as all-important. With the Vale facing destruction and its people facing replacement by millions of goblin invaders, why would they care about tax levies? What a bunch of flakes!

McBrain and Groanham shambled down and unsheathed their sabers. Both were golden blades with strange letter S's on their pommels. Nanna Legosi hissed and rushed McBrain, trying to bite into his broken skull with her vampiric fangs. She landed partially on his weapon and it took a few of her jewels, though it otherwise did no harm. She then knocked McBrain to the ground, seemingly not taxed at all.

Groanham swung at Calloff next, but missed, and the Demoncrat cut off one of his zombie ears. Groanham groaned louder and stabbed Calloff in the back, but again, only a few coins from his pouch flew onto the hilt.

Nanna Legosi then did a cartwheel, shrieked, and kicked Groanham's saber into the crowd.

"These taxing cuts useless!" said Gorm as he looked on with Gottschalk.

"Yes." Gottschalk had to agree. Why were they even made? They did no harm to the Demoncrats. He then looked at the fallen saber. It had begun to draw all the meager coins from the citizens nearby. They yelled, fruitlessly trying to hold onto their purses, and ran.

Twitch McCorpsal, his jaw now reattached by one of his nurses, laughed onstage as the sword returned to him, filling the large sack with the townsfolk's wealth. A number of goblins came up too to help him drag it away.

Gottschalk and Gorm could now see it was marked 'Corp', as if intended for some body.

Gorm glared. "Just who do taxing cuts help?"

Next week: The Hacks of Gorm, Part XXXX!

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