One Shots

Fate

There are days when I think about what happened and ask myself, maybe I didn't fight for you hard enough, maybe despite what people thought, I was actually the weak one. There are still days like this that I feel guilty because of what happened, to you, to me - to us. It wasn't about commitment because I was ready and you were, too. 

Initially, we took our time even when the world wanted us to be together. We started out as friends and went on from there but I've always known one thing, that we loved each other and that I have always been sure of. 

You know how fate orchestrated our meeting five years ago before we even met again? It was a wonderful memory that will forever be etched in my heart. If I didn't believe in fate, at that moment, on October 24, 2015, every fiber of my being did. I could hear my heart throbbing so loud like it was church bells on a Sunday morning. 

Our meeting that day was nothing short of sublime, to say I was in cloud 9 would be an understatement. 

Oh fate, maybe the same fate that brought us together years ago, is the same fate playing with us now. We kept on missing each other because of scheduling issues or when we would find time, it would be short and fleeting. There are days that I wish I could stop the clock so I could be with you longer and I know you felt the same. Things slowly piled up, we'd have small disagreements that would blow up into massive proportion and after a few days, with calmer minds, we didn't really know how it happened.

It's been five years after our fateful meeting, there's a part of me that finds it hard to forgive myself for not fighting for you and letting you go, a few years ago. The truth is sometimes, my insecurity gets the better of me, sometimes I still feel that I am unworthy of you. You, who to me, despite your flaws, is near to perfection in my eyes. No one comes close, perhaps no one ever will. 

Letting you go was one of the two most heart-breaking moments of my life, after my mother's death. The only consolation I kept on telling myself is I am setting you free, that you would finally be able to find yourself again and that you would be happy - and that alone was worth it. 

I thought I would never see you happy again and seeing you know with your eyes sparkling and laughing with abandon is still surreal to me. I am happy that he makes you happy, that I could see your smile again even those happy tears from laughing too much. 

I want to run to you and engulf you in my arms and share the happiness like how we've always done, but maybe for now, I'll stay here on the sides and watch you and him from afar behind this window glass. 

I was about to walk away to leave, when you see me, you wave at me and motions for me to come inside. As I walk in, he walks towards me as well. 

"Dada!" he asks to be carried

"Hello there, little man." I tell him

"Love" You say and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "We've been waiting for you, well, this little guy right here."

"I didn't want to intrude."

"He wants to go up that slide and I won't let him, he's too young to go alone and I can't go with him." 

I smile and rub your pregnant belly, ah our little girl right there.

"Alright, little man, Mommy said you wanted to go to the slides, let's go!"

I give you a kiss on the forehead and we walk towards the slide. I turn around and look at you waving and cheering us on. I ask myself, how did I get so lucky? 

I ran back to you and say, "Love, thank you for not giving up on me, on us. I love you" and I give you a smack on the lips. 

"I would never give up on you. I love you"

I walk to the slides again carrying this little man and say a silent prayer of thanks.