Do you know the feeling of fear? Not just fleating glimpses of it. Not the kind you get from fear of hights or from standing on a stage with a thousand people starting back at you. No I mean Actual honest to God FEAR.
The kind that doesn't go away with a few deep breathes. The kind that lingers deep in your soul and has a tight grip around your heart. It wedges itself inside your lungs and won't let you breath no matter how much you plead.
It's the gritting of teeth and the bitting of nails and the fact that you don't even know your doing it. It's the constant headache inducing dizzieness you can't seem to get rid of no matter how much medication you consume.
It's the days you don't eat beause of the knot in your stomach. And the days you eat to much because how else do you deal with stress?
Its the feeling of being watched even when your alone. Its the thoughts in your had that convince you that you will never be good enough, so just stay home. Its the kind of fear that locks you in your bedroom for days without talking, and without sleeping. And once you do sleep, its the fear that gives you nightmares and wakes you up in a pool of sweat and tears.
It's the ever present earthquake that lives deep down inside, always at a 5.5. It's always feeling tired and you can't explain why.
It's not wanting to be alone and wanting to all at the same time.
It's so many things that cannot possibly be explained unless you feel them everyday.
It's a vicious cycle. Round and Round it goes. When it'll stop?
Nobody Knows.
YOU ARE READING
Excerpts From A Book I'll Never Write
PoetryThe words I think but never really say.
