Papercut Hearts

Simula

Blue. Everything I see is blue. And horizon, wide horizon. Para bang palayo ito nang palayo habang palapit nang palapit ang sinasakyan kong barko.

I can feel the fresh air blowing my hair all over the place. It feels so good, I feel so free, like it's trying to take all my sadness away.

I have decided to take a break from the loud, rumbling city and take a detour to an island. It's known for its beautiful beach, white sand, scenic routes, and sandbars stretching like there's no forever. I have seen pictures of it and I just can't wait to spend an entire month in the island.

As a writer, serene places like this is like a breath of fresh air. A hope to starting a new chapter of your story. A source of inspiration to your masterpiece. But for me... it's an escape, a lucky run away place to find myself.

I took a deep breath as I hold onto the railings. I heard the captain's announcement that we're almost near the island so I opened my eyes and saw a long stretch of beautiful white sand. It's bigger than what I thought. And not far from it you can see its neighboring islands, smaller, but as beautiful as her.

I just can't help but wander my eyes around the island as we started to depart the ship. I smiled. This feels like home.

"Ma'am, dito na po ang room nyo" sabi ng boy na naghatid sakin sa cottage na nirentahan ko.

Di ko mapigilang igala ang mga mata ko sa paligid. Everything looks unbelievably amazing. The coconut trees, the beautiful landscapes, the modern tiki huts or cottages look so cozy, and from my room you can clearly see the sandbar. The pictures did no justice.

Nginitian ko ang boy at nag-abot ng tip bilang pasasalamat at pumasok na sa cottage ko. I hope I'll find peace in this beautiful place.

I woke up to a sunset lit room, I fell asleep with the windows open. I looked at my wristwatch and it says thirty minutes pass five in the afternoon. I just laid there and watch as the sun goes down and ready to call it a night.

'I wish you're here with me' I whispered.

A year ago, my life was different. People call it perfect. I am a known novel writer, one of the best selling writers of my time, and my publisher loves me for that, but everything changed when he died. My perfect little world started to crumble at my feet and I was lost.

Bilang manunulat, kaya mo pa bang gumawa ng masasayang obra na may 'and they lived happily ever after' sa dulo kung ikaw mismo pinagkaitan nito?

"Gabrielle, this is not you. You don't write this kind of crap! Do you think your readers will be happy when they read this? No! Because this isn't the Gabrielle they know! You are for happy-ever-afters writer, not a tragic writer. This will bring you down!"

Was what my publisher told me, she kept rejecting my works after that. Not that I blame her. I know for myself the stories I've submitted recently were awful. Lack of substance. Tragic. Lost. Depressing. That's why I'm here.

A year changed me, it was the year that I embraced sadness. I learned to love the brokenness for I found happiness in it. I just stopped living. I refused to being the Gabrielle I once was.

I reached for a small round thing in my pocket...

It's the promise ring he gave me.

We've been together since I was in high school and he gave me this ring when we graduated from college. I can still clearly remember that one afternoon under our favorite tree inside the university campus...

"Keep this ring as a promise of my undying love for you. I love you, baby, forever and always." sabi niya habang sinusuot ang infinity ring sa aking daliri.

Ours was a young love with a hope to be able to spend our lives together as we grow old.

I write of happy things and happy ever afters with the thought of him.

He was the reason why I write.

But when he died... my heart and my passion to write died with him, too.

Sino bang may alam na mawawala sya sa isang iglap? Na yung naramdaman ko ay panandaliang saya. Na yung pag-iibigan namin ay isang storyang walang masayang wakas.

Na kame yung taong pinagtagpo pero hindi itinadhana...

Or maybe it's not the end. Maybe it's a beginning to an end. Or maybe it's a middle with an end. Or probably, the misery won't just end...