The Things I Can't Say Outloud

My Relationship

Update 1: As I'm sitting here looking at him after almost losing our relationship. I can't help but to think that this might be the last time I ever get to feel his warmth radiating next to me. This might possibly be the last morning I wake up to see that face that I so deeply adore. He means the world to me and he doesn't even know. There's been complications, plenty of them, but I wouldn't go through them with anybody else. I'm hoping that one day all these obstacles will lead to the happy ending I hope to achieve with him.

Update 2: It's a few days later. Things went back to normal but there's this deep pit in my heart that just hurts. I'm so scared that I might lose the person who I thought was my future. God, it hurts. I can't stop crying. I texted him asking if he still wanted to be with me then immediately got into the shower to sob. I couldn't tell the difference between the stream and my tears. In a way, it was comforting. I didn't feel like a complete emotional wreck. I couldn't help but begging a God I didn't believe in to just let me have this one good thing. He said, "I do want to be with you baby." That's a relief. My insecurities are screaming so loudly though. I hope I find the strength in myself to pull it together and make us compatible as we once were. I don't know if I could handle losing something so dear.