November 29th 10:48pm
pointless things.
gosh do I absolutely hate pointless things. why should we learn all the cells of a plant? why should we learn the stupid equations and all the details of Paul Revere? why?
why do I have to go to this stupid convention that I don't want to go to but it's "manditory". I'm not even competing. it's for a scholarship that I don't want and that I don't need. many other girls and boys will and do want it so much more than I do. I don't want to get picked. I don't want to demonstrate for the whole class. I'm such a shy person and I cannot do that in front of people I don't know.
being on stage is different. all I feel is the stage lights, not the judges eyes, not the girls and boys off stage in the wings waiting to go next and to be judged just as I am. all I feel is myself and the music and the dance moves that take me to the next step until the end of the music. on stage I pour out all the heart break and the numbness that I contain and put into a dance and it's the only thing that's kept me sane for so long.
but I'm thinking about quitting. why the hell would you quit joy? well because of pointless things. my teacher giving pointless speeches about the same things every single class. I can predict what he's going to say before he says it because he says it all the time. "I can't want this for you" "push yourself" "you have to put yourself out there" "don't be shy" "give it 100%" well I'm fucking done with this complete shit.
my other teacher never takes things seriously and wastes our time. one time she was running around the dance floor like a chicken. I repeat a cHICKEN. but then she gets mad at us for whispering when she's laughing with markos(other teacher). like okay sure bitch.
also why in the actual heck can't we EVER end on time. I'm not talking about 10 minutes or so. a whole hour or 30 to 45 minutes. he says " I sent you all a text to when it ends" so I think that my grandmother gets the text, right? wrong. he sends it to absolutely everyone except for me. so I don't know when class ends, therefore making my grandmother wait for an hOUR for my stupid class to end.
it's also unnecessary pain. yeah if you've read my other works you'd think "well that's right up her ally, she loves self endured pain" *insert sarcasm* I mean I'm talking, being on your toes for so long your feet bleed. your toes are numb, your ankles are swollen, your knees are cracking and your back is aching. do I love some parts of it?, yes! of course I love the part where I get to express myself and where I get to feel like an actual human being and that I'm not a ridiculous thought of existence. but that and one more thing is the only thing stopping me from quitting next year.
my friend that I probably won't mention the name of, but they know it's them if they read this. anyways, I wouldn't see them if I didn't go to dance class and I love her so much oh my lord. it's ridiculous you would think I would have a crush on her <ha I mean. but anyways I just don't know what I would do if I didn't see her at least 2 times a week. I would honestly go insane.
but yeah that's my long ass, annoying rant of why I hate dance and it's pointless but how I absolutely love it and this person in it and yeah.
