Wings Of Fire OC Rating | OPEN

Dragon That Chases The Moon

  My first OC sent in! Hooray! But anyway this is for Lindseyloo62, a SpiritWing! Let's see how this goes.

   Name: Dragon that Chases the Moon (MoonChaser)

Good, fits well with her tribe, and I can't say I've seen it before.

Gender: female (sorry to many of those in the oc world)

Good, (it's fine)

Tribe: SpiritWing

I've never heard of these, but they sound cool

Age: 3

Ok, but considering her backstory, maybe she should be a little older? But there aren't really that many really young OCs.

  Rank/ Occupation: umm. In training to be a dreamvisiter/fortune teller

Okay, matches her tribe well. Most OCs are royalty and assassins xD. 

  Residence:HUH?

This would be where she lives.

Appearance: is a kinda pinkish goldish color with magenta spots on belly and cheeks. Has bright orange eyes with dark blue mixed in there.

Okay her colors are kinda off, is she a hybrid of some kind?

Personality: you probably won't like this. She looks out at the moons every night is kinda grumpy and sad. But there is a TINY little bit of happiness and surpriseness in there

There are a LOT of OCs with this type of personality. But for a young dragonet, who has no reason to be that way? It kinda makes no sense. The part about her looking at the moons every night is good, matches her name.

Backstory: As she was hatched, there was nothing wrong in Pyrrha, but when she turned 2, there was a murder on the loose. She saw her and immediately ran away. He chased after her she finally stopped running seeing it was impossible. She stopped and lunged at the murderer. She slit his throat in an instant. When she returned home she lied that a MudWing had pushed him into the rushing, long river.

Ok, here are where the most problems are. The murderer has no motivation to kill her or any other dragon (unless he's mad, which is kinda an important detail). And the fact that a 2 year old dragonet, could take on a murderer? Maybe if she ambushed him, but after running from him? The part about the MudWing is kinda off, there was no evidence to support her lie, but it is believable. She didn't come home with blood on her claws or was acting off. She just got away with it, which actually, why didn't she tell the truth? She doesn't have a reason to lie.

Other: wears ten moon bracelets on her tail

Nice. Matches her name.

Over-all.. I give her...
    7/10!!

Kinda underdeveloped, and not much happening, but quite original!