To Live an Die in my mind

Fear of Heights

Acrophobia; this is described as an irrational fear of heights.

This is also the perfect word to describe me. My name is Aeria Skii and I live on Vapos, for someone like me; it was like being born in hell. Imagine a clear blue sky, where birds soar through to the wondrous horizon. It was a place where the sky seemed to go on forever, even to the point where it made you sick. Vapos truly was a beautifully horrible place. Long ago there was a massive battle between the spirits of the earth and sky and the elders say; the earth spirit was driven of leaving all who lived there to inhabit floating islands, which pretty much explains my hatred of this world.

Sometimes when I feel completely alone, I like to sit in the exact centre of the island and imagine that we weren't floating; that beneath me was a sandy beach. Where the waves washed ashore and tickled my toes before rolling back home. When I'm here I can feel the sand beneath me and I feel almost at ease. However when my eyes open all I can see is the endless horizon and the terrifying clouds surrounding my hopeless prison of fear. My father, the chief of our island, would often boast to the community about his great son the Diver; no, not me, my younger brother Floane. My brother was a six foot, three inch Adonis; tough as nails and twice as beautiful. He cast such an immense shadow that I could never seem to get out of. He always had to be first in everything he did, even though I never really competed. I was proud of him even if he did put me to shame; he stood up for me on that day.

I had just turned seven, my dad and everyone thought it would be wonderful to carry me to the edge and begin my diver training. I stood there for half an hour; looking into the abyss. I saw the face of fear sleeping in its shadows; which seemed to go on indefinitely, with each horrifying shadow holding mystery infinite. I began to whimper and soon tears began to flow, my father grabbed me and expressed his shame. To the village I was a Diver, a tool to bring the water from the depths; I had no feelings or fears. My father grabbed the diving chord and pushed me over. As I wailed like a new born I could see this silhouette approaching me, like an angel descending from heaven. It was Floane; he pulled me back up and told them that in my stead; he would dive. At five years old, Floane was already casting his warm shadow over me." There isn't a day I regret standing in his shadow, because every time I stand in that shadow I'm looking up at the figure of greatness. Even with all the love I had for him, I couldn't help but feel like a burden to him and my father. Every time he left for a dive I'd offer to carry his things. I'd try to prove I could be useful but one day as I waited for him to come back up, he didn't. 

Normally a dive would take three hours, but he didn't come back up even after sun-down. I knew something had to have gone wrong. I began to frantically pull up the cord. Every time I pulled my stomach ached, I was weak; I shouldn’t have been able to pull him up. Finally I reached the end and my heart stopped. It was torn off. My mind went blank and I fainted. When I awoke, I heard the villagers clamouring toward me. They had their pots and buckets, their bottles and containers. They were furious but when I told them that Floane and the rest of the Divers hadn't come back up, they didn't seem to care. It was as if my brother hadn't just gone missing, all they cared about was their stinking water. I panicked and grabbed a chord, I would have jumped but it was as if the abyss had become even more frightening. This beast of darkness and mystery had swallowed up the only person I could look up to, I couldn't move from this spot. No matter how much I begged for my legs to move, to take that plunge and bring my brother back. I couldn't move. I walked away with head buried in sorrow and my pride completely gone.

For days I returned to the edge and each time the result was the same. My father cursed the sky god for robbing him of his son, while the people fell into a depression with the lack of water. One night as I lay asleep in Floane's bed, a vision came to me. Floane had returned to me however he was a child; he came to carry me to edge. He wanted me to look over, what I saw amazed me. It was as if there was an entire world beneath us. There were these strange birds that swam in the water and plants that came shooting from the ground. The clouds down there looked like stacks of cotton and the entire abyss seemed more welcoming. I turned to see Floane crying, with a smile on his face. It was then that I knew what I must do. I couldn't wait for day break; I left for the edge immediately. This time no fear would stop me. I grabbed the cord and took my leap. My adventure had finally begun.

As I fell to my almost certain demise, I tried to focus on the vision of joy but my screams seemed to block any hope I could muster. Luckily I remembered my simulation training and was able to land on a ledge. I hadn't realised how much courage it took to Dive, even for my brother. I heard a strange noise and hurriedly decided to continue my Dive. I was getting close as I stopped seeing birds’ nests and the temperature seemed to be rising. I kept on thinking about those broad shoulders spread out before me, my brother was down there and nothing could stop me now. I looked down and finally I could see something, it was water; real, all natural water. I couldn't wait to be embraced by its cool arms however the cores heat had made it quite warm. From the moment I hit the water I panicked and screamed for Floane. Suddenly something pulled me under the water and into a cave. After I calmed down I realised it was one of the Divers from my village.

He seemed worried; or rather he was terrified of something in the water. I didn't waste a second; I wanted to see Floane; however he was not here. He explained that the cave we were in was actually an entrance to an even larger series of tunnels created by the Beast; to move across the planet. Floane had led a team deeper into the tunnels; to locate an entrance to the surface. I asked about the incident but he seemed too shaken up to explain it to me. I understood the general idea though; a serpent had emerged from the water and attacked them. He believed it to be the incarnation of the sea god turned into a colossus of rage. I assumed he was delirious with fear and simply left him in a corner weeping. Though it did perplex me; what could leave a Diver into such a state? Perhaps the answer lied before me, hidden in the tunnels. I sucked up the last bit of fear I had, my brother was down here somewhere fighting and it was my duty to be at his side.