Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey

Pansypendix 1 - Expat Glossary

Expatriates, like everyone else, come in all shapes and sizes – the mean and the mannered, the classless and the classy, the awful and the joyful. The abbreviated epithet ‘expat’ doesn’t adequately express the myriad folk who have chosen to live here in Turkey. I have coined or purloined a few expressions to add spice to the mix.

Emigreys

Retirees serving out their twilight years in the sun, most of whom seem to be just a little to the right of Genghis Khan. Many have bought a jerry built white box in Turkey because it was cheaper than Spain (well, it was at the time). Everyday emigrey life operates within a parallel universe of neo-colonial separateness preoccupied with visa hops to the Isles of Greece, pork products, property prices and Blighty bashing.

VOMITs (Victims of Men in Turkey)

Vintage desperate ex-housewives with a few lira to spare, who shamelessly  chase  younger Turkish  men.  Predictably,  such relationships rarely last once the money runs out. A sub-genus of the species is the MAD (“My Ahmed’s Different”): delusional VOMITs who think their Turkish man is somehow unlike the rest because “he really loves me.” As a rule of thumb, they are kidding themselves.

Semigreys

Those too young to retire in the conventional sense, and who are living the vida loca on the proceeds of property sales from the boom years. Plunging interest rates present quite a fiscal test to those trying to maintain a hedonistic lifestyle on dwindling assets while waiting for the pensions to kick in; assuming there will be a pension to kick in, of course.

Vetpats

Veterans who have lived in Turkey for many years. Usually better informed than their peers and with a less asinine view of the world, vetpats have taken the trouble to learn Turkish and are better integrated into the wider community. Some have even acquired Turkish citizenship through marriage or toil and are fortunate to have found gainful employment on the right side of the Law.

Bodrum Belles

Single ladies of a certain age, rollercoaster pasts and plucky presents. Some may have once been VOMITs but, unlike many of their sisters, have learned from bitter experience and live quiet and contented lives with a refreshing insight into their lot. To qualify as a Belle you must live in Bodrum Town. Anywhere else just doesn’t cut the mustard.

Emiköys

A rare breed of seasoned pioneers, Emiköys have forsaken the strife of city life and deodorant for the real köy McCoy. They eke out a life less ordinary in genuine Turkish villages. They get down, dirty and dusty with the locals, contribute meaningfully to their small rural communities, keep chickens, get unnaturally close to nature and talk Turkish to the trees (well, not always, but I’m sure some do).

Hedonistas

Those who enjoy a carefree existence of total self-indulgence, liberated from the binding ties of responsibility or the worries of tomorrow and spend spend spend because “you can’t take it with you”. Typically, they have no children to fret about; that’ll be us then.

The Ignorati

A collective term for those who live in utter ignorance of the history and culture of their foster land, shout loudly in English, and see the world at large through the narrow-minded pages of the Daily Mail (also known as the Daily Bigot).

Note: The term VOMIT was first coined by former vetpat Cathy Crawford and originally described a select group of Bodrum Belles who had survived their encounters with Turkish men and lived to tell the tale. Subsequently, the word has migrated to its current meaning.

None of these terms are mutually exclusive. It is perfectly possible for an emigrey to also be a vetpat VOMIT and a fully paid up member of the ignoble ignorati, and many are.