A way out (1)

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Living in the city of Chicago was average to me. I know it from the back of my hand and I've been living her every since I was 7 years old. I lost my husband in a car accident about a year ago and I've never been the same. He was the best husband I could ever ask for. I'm a 30 year old woman.

**
I grabbed my bag for work and walk out of my house. I got to my car and get in feeling already iffy because I'm not a morning person at all. I drove to work with the radio at a medium volume. I got there and I walked inside and everyone was just looking at me strange

        "What.. is there something on my face?" I yelled

They looked away and continued typing on their computers. I walked sat down at my desk and I looked and the picture of my husband. I picked it up and put it to my chest. A tear came down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away when my boss came over rubbed my shoulder.

       "Demetria you just need to rest ok?" She said putting down a cup of coffee for me

        "No I can't just keep missing work.. Ive missed enough" I said wiping my tears away

         "I know what you're going through Demetria" she said soothing me

       "NO.. you don't know what I'm going through, you don't know how it feels to lose someone you love.. he was my everything, through thick and thin.. when I found out that I was diagnosed with lupus he was there with me.. he stood by me through everything" I blurted out running to the bathroom and going into a stall

     I was sobbing and i slowly pulled my sleeve up and saw the cuts that I made on myself

Depression speaks for itself

   ***
I went home and kicked my shoes off by the door. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator. I had been having premonitions of my husband being here. I would wake up and see him cooking breakfast and then the next day he wouldn't be here

I've been losing my mind

   I kept hearing a thump in the backyard. I went over and slid the Padio door and saw my husband digging up dirt in the backyard. My heart just stopped

  I started having them again

        "Demetria are you ok?" He asked touching me

    "I thought you were dead... you died in a car accident John.. I know I'm not crazy" he rubbed my face and kissed my forehead

         "Baby.. I love you ok?" He said and he faded away m

"John wait.." I said and closed the patio door and a tear ran down my cheek

This is just too much for me

Following day**

I woke up and slowly walked to the bathroom. There was another picture of John on the wall and I just smiled at it.

I miss him so much.

I decided to go to the park today. I just wanted to be outside. I ran some bath water and picked out the clothes that I was going to wear. I pulled out a black fitted dress to the knees with some black boots. I went to the bathroom and stopped and got in. I was laying there and I slowly closed my eyes.

January 2016

"Alright everyone..have a great day" I said grabbing my bag from my desk from the table and walking out.I got into my car and dialed john's number

He didn't pick up. Strange

I called again and he didn't pick up. Maybe he's stuck at work. I put the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot. I had got home and I got my stuff from the backseat and walked into my home.

I dropped my stuff and kicked my shoes. My phone was ringing in my bag and went to go get it.

"Hello?" I answered

"Demetria.. turn on the tv" Jenna told me

I grabbed the remote from the ottoman and cut the tv.

"A black Range Rover on I-75 flipped over a bridge and it had to be towed. The driver was severely crushed and was killed during the accident" the reporter said

No it can't be

I dropped my phone and the door soundly rang. I went over to the door and the police were standing on my porch with worried looks on their face

"Are you Demetria pullard?" The officer asked me

"Yes I am" I said getting scared

I should've been

"We've gotten some bad news.. and it's about your husband John pullard" he said

" he was on I-75 and he was driving the road when a drunk driver came at him and hit and bumped him to the point where the car flew and it flew off of the bridge. He flipped six Times into the air. It finally made it to the ground and the car was caved in.. unfortunately he didn't make mrs. pullard" he fully explained

****

I was devastated

I remember breaking down crying into the officers arm finding it hard to believe that my husband was dead. He was a sweet man. I opened my eyes and got out letting the water out. I wrapped the towel around me and grabbed my brush from the counter. I decided to play some music to keep myself going on this bright sunny day. I was brushing my hair and then I started thinking about when he used to brush my hair

He would run his fingers in it and sniff and kiss my neck slowly. He made me feel like a woman. He called me beautiful everyday. We were thinking having kids and we wanted to talk about it as well. But I guess I can have any kids with now because he's gone.

I walked back to the bedroom and put my underwear and bra on. I put my dress on and my shoes and put my coat on. It was about 30 degrees outside

Yes it was cold

I grabbed my purse and cellphone and walked out downstairs And out of my house. I got into my car and drove out my driveway

**
I got there and the park was beautiful. I got out and put my phone in my jacket pocket and had my hands in my pockets. I walked around for a little when I stopped and because I had got a text message. I was texting and then all of a sudden I  felt some bumped behind me

I quickly turned and There was this caramel tall skinned man with curls and he looked good too. He gave me the lightest smile

"Oh my god im so sorry

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