Whats After

Chapter 1

"It's weird, you know, being able to imagine how an ant feels. Small. Tiny. Unnoticed. Being able to walk by everyone & not even get a glance your way... ants have it bad. But then again, an ant is an ant & it has other ants to notice it. However; I'm no ant & I have no other ants to notice me.

I was just human. Plain ole simple boring human.

Yes we get noticed & yes we have friends, but some of us don't get those things. Like me... No longer can I walk down the halls & get smiles from the people that I pass. No longer can I go to locker C82 & be able to discuss the latest AHS episode with John at locker C83. I won't even be able to tell Freaky Freddy that he needs to shut the hell up.
No, I'm not that lucky. All that I get are people that bump into me & don't even have the common decency to look back & say 'sorry' or 'excuse me.' I don't get shit.

But then again, I'm not human & I'm not ant.

I'm just dead.

Now tell me if I'm wrong, but I thought that when you die you see this bright light. You know, like at the end of every single Ghost Whisperer episode. Anyways, you walk towards the light & somebody in your family that died is suppose to be standing there all undead spewing out shit like 'It's ok you're safe now blah blah blah.' Then like in the movies, you walk up a shit ton of stairs where you meet the big man. You & God chat it up & he walks you through that big silver gate then BAM! You're in heaven & that's the end of it. Isn't that what's supposed to happen? Aren't you supposed to get the happy ending even though you just died? Cause I sure didn't. Like usual, I got the short end of things.

Do you know how painful it is to watch your parents cry hysterically because the doctor just pronounced you dead? To see one of the nurses put a sheet over your body because you're finally gone? Do you know how awful it is to see everyone depressed because they lost somebody they loved? Do you get how much it hurts to accept that you just freaking died? Do you? Huh, of course not. You're still alive. Great, what am I supposed to do now?" I watched as the hospital receptionist kept typing away at her computer, completely oblivious to the fact that I was just talking to her for the past five minutes.

"Well you're just as useless as a stick, aren't you?" I asked her as her Walmart gel-on nails tapped away at the keyboard, yet again ignoring me.

"Nope. I think a stick is a bit more useful then you. Well, I guess this is goodbye Barbra," I said her name with a sneer. "I can't stand to be in here any longer. I feel like I'm suffocating, you know? Of course you don't... thanks for nothing Barbra." I hopped off the Assistant Care counter & onto the white tiles without a sound.

I really couldn't stand to sit in that lobby anymore. Seeing all of those hurt people with tear trails staining their faces, it really puts you in a funk. I thought hospitals were supposed to be a happy place? A place where babies were born & lives were saved. Boy was I wrong.

The smell of Cleanx & Bleach surrounded me like a haze, burning my nostrils & throat. It was like a cloud of it was hanging over my head, following me everywhere I go. Just the smell of it made me feel worse that what I already did. Maybe that was why everyone was so sad all of the time, because of the freaking Cleanx. Yeah, that had to be it.

My wonderful thoughts of Cleanx were suddenly interrupted by a wailing mother as she fell to her knees, sobs wracking her body. A doctor stood before her, looking helpless as he tried to find the words to comfort the woman. Poor guy, he probably just had to tell her that her husband died. Or her son. Or her mother. Or her dog--Wait, no, wrong place.

I watched as the woman bawled her eyes out, crying of how "this couldn't be real" & suddenly, I was annoyed. And then I was pissed. She should be glad the poor dudes not in pain anymore! I don't see him strutting around here as a ghost so he's all good! He is fineeeee & dandy, getting his exercise walking up those stairs to heaaven! He is ok! So shut up!

I wanted to scream it at her. No, I take that back. I wanted to scream it to the whole room.

So I did.

I waited for the shocked eyes, the echoing gasps, the oldies screaming "You ungrateful brat! Back in my day..." & the security to escort me out of the building. But nothing happened. While I took a seat on the floor, trying to get my breath back, the room continued in its normal state of sadness.

Why am I not surprised...

I sat there in the lobby, my back pressed up against the Assistant Care desk, as I waited. And waited. And waited. Man, hospitals really know how to make time slow down.

I was counting the ceiling tiles for the 30th time when I finally saw them. I immediately stood up, my legs quivering at the sight of the pair. I watched as the girls shoulders sagged & she let out a shaky breath. Her outfit was typical, simple yet professional. I knew she wasn't the sweatpants/sweatshirt type. She kept herself prim & proper, full face of make-up & not a single wrinkle or stain visible. Today, however, her face was as stained as the cardigan she wore. Lash Blast mascara really wasn't a good look on them.

The man that stood beside her was a different story. He just looked like utter shit. I mean damn, at least the girl tried to look ok. He could've at least put on something clean because the 2 day old stained shirt he was sporting was anything but. I knew the stains lining the collar could only be that of beer & maybe a few from pizza. To top it all off, he had a scratchy looking beard sprouting out of his face. I hadn't seen the man with a beard since I was 5 years old. I knew he liked to always have a clean shaven face. That just wasn't the case anymore...

I walked towards them as they stood in the middle of the hall, crying in each-other's arms. I watched the moment for a few seconds before clearing my throat.

"Mom. Dad. It's time to go home."