genesis | j.keery ; book 1

56 | london vlog

"hey guys! long time no talk, so im back in london for a couple more days after doing a few press release things with millie, i'm currently at my family house in brighton now, i gotta head down to london again tomorrow for some exciting meetings and then i get to chill for a few days with my sister and parents before heading back to america-,"

"- so i just wanted to sit down and have a chat with you guys seeing as i feel like i owe you all an explanation with where ive been recently and to tell you all that no, i'm not quitting youtube.-"

"- so as you all may know already, ive been filming a show called stranger things which has taken over my life since i started filming it about 6 months ago, a lot has been going on. i think i'm going to be moving into my own flat in america soon so when i can i'll be flat hunting, i also have my birthday coming up!!-"

"- but i also wanted to clear a few things up with you guys. i see a lot more than you all probably think i do, instagram comments, posts, tweets etcetera, and theyve all been mixed.-"

"- obviously i'm more 'known' as you could say, now compared to before and i've been a lot more in the spotlight.-"

"-i wanted to start off with comic con. i didn't feel like i needed to justify myself to anybody but i feel like it needs to be spoken about so you all know the truth.--"

"during the day of the panel, there was a lot going on backstage, we were in and out of interviews all morning since about eight am i think? anyway - i'm an anxious flyer as well so i didnt get much sleep the day before the flight and the flight itself. comic con was the first big convention thing that i had been to. as you all know, im still very, very new to all of this and i have no clue how to handle it most of the time. so anyway as i was saying, the panel day was very go go go and it was very overwhelming for me to say the least. i didnt get time to process what was going on so in the end i just exploded and had a panic attack. which led to the producers and security telling me it wouldnt be a good idea to attend the panel show, which i was absolutely devastated about.--"

"i wrote a tweet saying sorry and then after the response i got from there, i went over to instagram too to explain to you all how sorry i was, again. as i said then, im human, im just like you all and im getting used to this crazy life ive gotten myself into. yes dont get me wrong, i love my job and i really love the opportunities i get now because of this, but sometimes its overwhelming and you just gotta get your head back into reality before you can carry on. sometimes you need to put your health first when needs be. to be honest if it wasn't for finn, i would have forced myself to do two interviews whilst having a panic attack, because all i ever want to do is please everyone else and make you guys happy.

"when i got told not to join the panel show, i cant describe or explain how upset i was. i felt like i let you guys down and the cast down and even bloody comic con down. but at the end of the day, i know the choice was a good one and a healthy one for me.--"

"if you've been following me on here for a while, you'll know that i struggle with anxiety since i was eight years old. and even being twenty, nearly twenty one, i still struggle the same amount with it as i did and have done for the last eleven years. dont get me wrong, its gotten much better and tolerable, but its still a problem and something i have to be understanding with. i cant throw myself into situations when i know its not healthy for my mental health.--"

"i also dont want any of you to think that now ive finally got my big break, that im going to ditch youtube and everything that comes with it. youtube was my starting point and i'd never ditch it for anything. its always been a hobby more than my job, and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. things on this channel were never regular anyway, but the channel isnt going anywhere, im not going anywhere. dont you worry."

"i feel like ive missed out a few things i wanted to say but i can always make it into another video if needs be. i just want you all to know that i am a human and i have normal problems too. the only difference between you and i is that im in the public eye and you arent. i just want to be able to do things without people telling me i dont deserve something or that im not good enough. as you've probably seen too, ive been disabling the comment section on my photos, i wish i didnt have to do that but i feel like im in the position of my career where the things people say to me or about me do kinda get to me because all i ever want is for people to be happy, for me to do my best and achieve my goals. so when i see people telling me i dont deserve the things ive worked my ass off for, it does upset me."

"anyway, i just thought id catch you all up on maisies emotions, i love you all of you who have supported me and loved me throughout everything. im so lucky and thankful for you guys and everything that's been happening to me recently. i'll speak to you guys soon."