BESIDJU

Beside you

It's already dark, but the dim lights in my workspace was enough for me to be able to see in the dark. I can even see the city lights up here from my window. I was just looking at all the old pictures I have with my high school friends. Especially with him- her.

I can't believe I'm still friends with her. We have our own jobs now, our own lives to figure out. It is really hard for me to figure out who am I and what will I do, now that I am a grown up. I keep exploring countries just to find myself, had to resign and change company time after time. Yes, I am that confused right now. Can you imagine a full grown woman, still can't stay from one place and can't even decide for herself? 

I think all of my friends already figured out what to do with their lives, while i'm still here looking at our own old pictures, reminiscing the times I was with them. The waves of emotions are overflowing tonight just by looking at all these pictures. Although I have the money, a job, maybe the only thing I need to look for is love. Yeah, cheesy. 

We all got our own love story. Every kind of love that we've experienced and we just kind of starts to reminisce.

I have loved someone but a screen were separating us, I badly want to see him in person but I never got the chance.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I have a girlfriend in real life."

"How can you do this?! How do you sleep at night, fooling someone online?!"

"Maybe you shouldn't trust someone so easily." Jerk. And then I hit the blocked button, never to heard about them again. Then logs out. I never used favbook again because of that. I was a fool to attached myself to a stranger online.

I have loved someone but all I can do is watch him from the distance.

"You've got to be kidding me. You like that guy?"

"What's wrong with him?"

"Didn't you know in our class he has a girlfriend? And I doubt he'll notice you he's too famous."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. You're blocking the view."

"I am the view. Look at me for once." Is this guy serious? "I'm looking right at ya, now move." He laughs and then sits beside me.

As time past by I started to notice his charms. I have loved someone that loves me but sadly he got tired from sitting and waiting for me. So he stands up and moves on.

"I'm glad you're now looking for me. But someone already blocked my view from you." I looked down to my feet and I saw him started to walk away.

And lastly I have loved my gay best friend secretly, because i'm afraid our friendship might end. How can I love her? Why am I hurting myself from all these people I've met.

"I miss youuu!" She hugged me tight and carry me like i'm some stuffed toy. "I miss you tooooo, now put me down."

Those type of love that I've mentioned, many people have already succeeded getting love back from the people they are in love with. And for me? I always get the tragic side of a love story. Maybe love isn't for me.

I'm scared that I have fallen for my best friend. I'm scared to tell others about this, because i'm afraid she'll notice. Oh dear, help me bury these feelings for her. This is not good. But how can I? If she's too close? Always right beside me? We're acting like a couple. Making trouble. Now everyone thinks we look good together and it's horrible! I can't take this anymore!