TBS AND ALL HIS CHARACTERS One-Shots

I wish I was her (Love Actually Sam) Pt.5

"She isn't my girlfriend," the boy mumbled sadly as he sad across from me on my pale duvet, " Dad says we are to young."

I threw my head back and barked a sarcastic laugh. Throwing my hands up in the air in defeat, I screamed, "Seriously! That is what you choose to say!? After me pouring my freaking heart out to you, you whine to me about your stupid love life!!" I was even more furious then before, Who was this guy?

"I'm sorry. Babe-" I cut him off abruptly.

"Oh no. Don't call me that. I'm not your 'babe'. And I never have been. I'm sure that's what you call her. I don't want to be associated with her. She is part of the reason I don't have you anymore. Or its just another name you use for everyone. I don't even know anymore. But I don't like it. Not again." I spat. I was finished talking to this stranger. I didn't even know how to feel. He looked too much like my Sam. He felt top much like my Sam. His hair. His nervous habits. His old pj pants. It was getting to me. I could feel myself weakening. But it wouldn't happen. I wasn't letting this kid take the place of my Sam.

"I'm sorry." His beautiful, watery brown eyes met mine. "I'm so sorry. Yn. I don't know why I'm so bad. I want to be your old Sam. I think about you all the time. I shouldn't have called you a coward. That was plain awful. I should have helped you up when you fell all those years ago. I shouldn't have spat. I should have given you a coat. Or some socks. I should have apologized. I should have hugged you. Held you. Been stronger. I shouldn't have looked at you like I didn't care. I shouldn't have said those harsh, cold, mean things. I shouldn't have let Joanna laugh at you. I shouldn't have even left your room that night when you were crying." the kid was full on balling now. "I should have held you, made you laugh. Gotten a movie for us to watch or something. I should have talked it out with you. Fixed the problem. I shouldn't have let you sit here alone for all those years, wishing the old Sam would come back and save you. I should have just saved you. Its awful, but I walk by here all the time. Think about what we would be doing if I didn't mess us up. I think about how you are sitting up here, drawing or something, about how I could be on the floor watching you, but I'm not. Because I'm a jerk and I messed it up. I'm sorry. I should have been stronger for you. I should have run down here, come and fixed it. You know, or sent you a letter or something. It would have been so easy. I'm sorry I'm not the old Sam. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I'm sorry I've lied to you. That I didn't come save you. That you don't trust me. That you don't love me. That I came here and broke you even farther than before. That you are disappointed. Love, I deserved that slap. More than you know. You should have kept going. I'm sorry I acted so nonchalant. I guess I thought that if I let my guard down, that you'd be disappointed. But I don't know how I thought that this," He gestured to his crying, shaking, sniffling self, " was any better than what I was trying to hide. I'm so sorry." He kept crying. Kept shaking. He was breaking me. This, this was my old Sam. And I needed him. Maybe he was putting up an act, trying to get to me, but at that point, I didn't care. Not at all. I was throwing literally everything I had said out the window. This boy, that may or may not be lying, looked like he was pouring his heart out to me. I don't know why I believed him so quickly, so easily, but I did. Well, I wanted to. I wanted him back. And it looked like he was sitting half a foot away from me.

Broken.

Alone.

Terrified.

Sorry.

"Honey." I whispered, tears falling down my face.

He shook his head in shame, still not making eye contact with me. I felt awful. So, so awful. It was as if my Sam ripped out the boy I had talked to earlier today and jumped into his body.

"Oh," he wiped his nose, pushing himself up off the bed and standing up. "The cookies were very g-good. T-Thank you so much. Merry Christmas, little one." He turned and jumped out the window.