TBS AND ALL HIS CHARACTERS One-Shots

I wish I was her (Love Actually Sam) Pt.4

I sound dramatic. I am! I'm a drama queen. As Sam has said. He was true. He is true. He doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone beautiful. Strong. Loving. Someone that doesn't hurt him. And that isn't me. I'm sure it is Joanna. But I'm not exactly sure.

My mum has obviously stayed up-to-date with his life. But I don't want to know. I don't want to know how good, how awful, he is with out me. I'm not sure whether or not he has a girlfriend, if he stayed with the drums, if he is doing okay with the death of his mother. I. Don't. Know. Sometimes it bugs me. Bugs the living hell out of me, but I think its for the best.

But today, I am walking to his house. My mum has made cookies for all the neighbors, as she does every Christmas season. I find that very kind of her. She asked me to drop them off to everyone whilst she was gone today. The thought of seeing Sam scared me slightly. I don't know how he would react. Or how I would react. Maybe his father will open the door. That would be much easier. Or no one at all!! That would ne GREAT.   Maybe one day I will do so for my friends. Ha! I think to myself. If I have any!  Over the years, I have stuck to myself, so I don't have many friends, as people like to call them. I probably would keep in touch with those that I knew from school when I was little, but Sam was pretty much it for me. So, I haven't been able to do so.

My feet carry my down the cold sidewalk slowly. I admire the beautiful, dark, grey clouds that loom over me. The slight breeze that pulls at my clothing and laces through my Y/C hair. The green, thriving trees that are scattered through my area. The occasional bike that cruises by me. The brick homes that are full of life, full of beauty. A slight smiles graces my face as I think of all the family gatherings that could be going on within their walls.

Suddenly, I see it. I see Sam's home. And my heart skips a beat. My feet stop quickly, as if immersed in thick mud. My throat runs dry and I start to second guess myself. Ill just leave them on the porch, I think. Yeah. That'll work.  

I hop up the steps, closer to the door. I see a door mat, 'WELCOME!' plastered upon its surface. Welp. I don't feel welcome, little guy. Sorry! I shut my eyes and take a deep breathe. I set down the sweets and take a few steps back. What if they get stale? Mum would kill me. Ill just nock on the door and everything will be fine. Maybe they aren't even home. Yes. Okay. Great.

I bolt back up, give the door a few whacks with my white knuckles, and hop down the steps.

I heard the door open behind me, and I do NOT stop. It will be fine, they didn't need to see me. I don't like socialization.

"Excuse me, miss?" I hear a familiar boy call after me. His voice was so much deeper. Wow. and sexier. Did he not recognize me? Well, my hairs longer. And I'm a bit more...... curvy, I guess? "You are so sweet to bring those. Give them to another friend, though. I cant take these. I'm allergic to-"

"Milk. Yes. I know. Milk free." I cut him off with out turning around.

"Yn?" I can hear disbelief in his tone, maybe a little........ annoyance. Huh, jerkoff.

"Yep. Sorry I bothered you." I kept walking, quite quickly, actually.

"Wait! You are going to come here without even saying hello! After all this time! I don't remember you being a coward." He didn't even bother coming down the steps and I could hear another person come up behind him. His words bother me. They are quite rude.

I turn around to see a breathtakingly beautiful girl with her arms around his waist, her chin on his shoulder. Joanna. This sight brings a tear to my eye. And they boy I was in love with. He looked gorgeous. Strong. Manly. Grown up.