shards

1.

{trigger warning: selfharm, parental problems, abusive home, suicide attempt}

i'm listening to music, when i hear people shouting.

i'm laying on my bed, staring at my roof, the clock reading 1 am, and i just can't catch the absorbing void called 'sleep'.

the sound of glass shattering fills my ears now that i've turned off my music, my bedroom door muffling the sound. probably a plate thrown and target missed, the plate now broken.

a scream.
again.
and again.
it's the norm in this household.

i head down the slightly squeaky stairs, hearing another plate shatter as i put my bare feet on the cold marble floor.
my feet lead me absentmindedly to the kitchen, seeing one of the drawers open with a man, who some may have called my dad, stood in front of it, furiously taking out plates and throwing them at a woman, my 'mom', missing and making the plates burst into pieces.
curses and violent words are exchanged between the pair.

i quietly walk between them, the shards cutting through the bottom of my feet with every step i take, though the pain is nummed by the blaming thoughts clouding my mind.
i head towards the cabinet where the breadknives are stored and i take the sharpest knife.

i walk to the bathroom in a haze, the knife gripped strong in my hand and my vision blurry, but i still know where i'm heading.
my free hand takes the doorhandle and i open the door to the bathroom.

-click-

i lock the door.

my pants fall to the ground and i seat myself on the edge of the bathtub, laying down the knife next to me and grabbing 3 painkillers, already downing them with water from the small sink, knowing it won't cure my mental pain but will hopefully save me from the physical pain after this.

the knife lightly touches my skin and i press harder, drawing a line over my leg. i stare at it for a second and blood starts to bubble up from the wound. i cut again and again and again, the warm maroon liquid soon covering the entirety of my leg, dripping into the tub. i 'draw' more lines on my hips and arms, staining the sweater i was sleeping in.

my vision starts to blur, the room spinning around me. i take one last look at my line covered body before falling backwards on the carpeted floor, fading out of existence, fading out of this horrible world. giving me the peace and quiet i've wanted for ages.

end 1.