Book Reviews For The Desperate (On Hold)

"Curiosity" by Mistress_Mitsukai

*I've decided to take out some unnecessary factors. You will be marked on as followed: Display /5, writing /5, character development /10, and plot /10. The factors I took out (writing style and originality) will still be marked, but not as a separate category. You will be marked out of 30.

Display:

- Your cover is gorgeous. I love how the spark in her hand expands into the sky and becomes a part of it. Like she created a galaxy. Your cover has meaning to it, and it isn't there just for the sake of looking pretty (even though it does).

- "Heaven up in the sky, what is love?" I liked that you added that quote to your cover. It really gives a good insight to the major themes in the story.

- The font title didn't seem fitting for the cover. It could be my personal opinion, but I feel like something (I don't know what) throws the whole aesthetic of the cover off.

- The title itself did make sense, but it seems a little too generic. You don't have to change it, but if you do, I suggest adding the love theme into it. Examples: Love is a wonder, Wondrous love, To love at last, Love; that foreign feeling, etc. Also, one thing I wouldn't suggest is titling it What is Love? because it can come off as cliché.

- Your description was an accurate depiction of the story's content, but some things could be improved. What you wrote: "Her mind realizes something that she had never dared to venture into before". It sounds awkward. Here's my suggestion: "Her mind wanders to a place she never dared to venture before", or "Her mind wanders to a place she never dared to wander before". What you wrote: "What made her the same girl that stared back at her whenever she looked in a mirror?". Could be my misunderstanding, but the question doesn't seem right. It's probably me, but perhaps change the wording a little bit just in case.

Score - 4/5

Writing:

- You have almost flawless grammar and spelling. It's practically perfect, besides a few errors every so chapter. There's nothing to complain about in regards to this matter.

- I liked how you ended off each chapter with a question. It adds interest, and makes you think about the chapter you finished reading.

- Your vocabulary is quite wide. Your word choice isn't plain, and you're quite skilled at writing interesting sentences, but it could be even better. What you wrote: "Overall, it was just one of the world's greatest unsolved mysteries ever since the human race was created." What I would change: "Overall, it was one of the world's greatest unsolved wonders ever since the creation of time." It's quite a jump, but even just changing mystery to wonder would make a big difference. This is just one example from your story but I could do more. Tip: Use an online thesaurus to find more descriptive and detailed words. Trust me; it has saved my writing on several occasions.

- Add more emphasis on certain things. For example, what you wrote: "What she didn't except, however, was meeting him." Putting an emphasis on "him" with the help of italics can really give the reader a sense of importance that phrase has: "What she didn't expect, however, was meeting him."

Score - 4.5/5

Character Development:

- This is the one factor I think you need a lot of improvement on. It's not that the characters are boring, or lack a certain interest, but they do need to show more emotion. Example: When Gabriella is teased, there's not much description as to what she feels in that moment. If you described her face burning with a familiar hatred, or the way she gnaws at her swollen lip at the very sound of the words Vile Verde. Maybe she doesn't feel anger, but something completely different. Whatever she feels during any moment should be described to show personality.

- Skylar is also an interesting, witty character, and as we all know, interesting, witty characters, are even more interesting when they interact with people (or aliens) like Gabriella, who have short tempers and a more closed-off personality. But, I think it would be more interesting if you made these characters have quirks. Example: hums, bites nails, talks too loud, whispers a lot, etc. I only ready about four chapters, so maybe you already did this, but if you haven't, I highly recommend it - it makes them seem like real people.

- Lastly, Gabriella doesn't have a distinguishing personality. Yes, she seemed quite mad at first when Skylar approached her, but that seems more of a short-term trait than a long-term one. We all have times when we seem out of character, but Gabriella hasn't quite developed that yet. Who is she, besides a lonely, unloved girl with questions? What would she do in the face of great danger? What are her flaws, and what are her strengths?

Score: 6.5/10

Plot:

- Originality is quite present in your story; it's about a girl with green skin in our average world - who comes up with stuff like that? It's a great concept, and touches on such issues as beauty standards, how love is something you cannot see on the outside, and how skin colour shouldn't be used to determine someone's value - this is an issue that actually exists.

- I found your pacing within the story fine. It wasn't going too fast, and it didn't drag on, but the relationship between Gabriella and Skylar was a little fast. It took about three chapters for Skylar to punch a guy in Gabriella's name, and them to become friends. Maybe it's all for the plot, but I feel like Gabriella would need a little more time to develop a relationship. I always work on developing my characters first, then I work on the plot, because that way I can let the characters decide what to do, and see how they would react in a given situation, rather than forcing them to do things for the sake of the plot. Characters create plot, not the other way around.

- I feel like there's a few unanswered questions, but I did skim through a few paragraphs, so this could be entirely my fault, but the whole her being a green alien thing didn't seem fully addressed. How does she know she's an alien? Why is she not being tested by labs? How come everyone hates her, but no one is afraid of her? If these questions are all answered later on in the story, I'm sorry for being a little picky. I only read about four chapters, but I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any plot holes.

Score 8.5/10

Final Thoughts:

- I'm really interested in what you have to offer. Your book is better than many, many, overrated writers with hundreds of millions of reads for books about "bad boys" and crappy love stories. Your book is one love story that hasn't made me cringe as of yet.

- Though I pointed out a lot of flaws, I honestly enjoy your story and writing. It has value to it and meaning. It's not just some book you read for the sake of reading - you read it because you care.

- I will definitely continue on reading your story, not as a reviewer, but as a regular reader. Keep writing. I'm sure you'll get published, not necessarily with this book, but someday if you decide to have writing as a full-time career. You have a lot of potential.

Overall Score: 78% (23.5/30)

*I'll start promoting your book soon. :)