Anger Management

Pins and Needles Pt 1

                     The sensation that hit me first was the pain. I hurt. In the dream I wasn’t hurting, I had felt perfectly fine, but the pain of being awake brought back the fact that I was severely hurt. Or at least it felt like I was severely hurt. I couldn’t tell my physical condition through anything but the pain, and on a scale of 1-10 it was a 12. I gritted my teeth together to keep myself from screaming. At least my muscles didn’t feel tense like they did last night, but the pain was just as bad, if not worse. My hands tightly gripped the cloth of my bed, my body arching and writhing for a short bit, but I forced myself to stop once I realized that the movement just made it hurt a lot worse.

                     I clenched my eyes shut, feeling the silent tears begin to roll down my face and drip onto my neck. This. Fucking. Hurt. Suddenly something heavy and strong was on my chest and easily pushed me back down flat onto the bed. Huh, I didn’t realize I was still arched. I opened my eyes carefully, more tears streaming from them as I did, and clenched my jaw harder, so hard that my teeth felt like they were going to crack. It was Michael again, holding me down with his left hand and holding something small in his right that glinted exotically in the sunlight. Oh god, not again. He was holding a hypodermic needle, smaller than the last one though, and it was filled with a clear liquid that caught the sunlight and changed it into rainbow streaks. My eyes widened dramatically at the needle. Michael noticed and quickly grabbed my right arm, holding it tight so that it was locked dead still at the elbow. I wanted to struggle but I knew that if I did my arm would immediately become dislocated from its socket. Besides, he still held me tightly by the chest, so I wouldn’t be able to do much moving anyways. I gritted my teeth harder, tears rolling freely down my cheeks now.

                     Michael carefully inserted the needle into the main vein of my arm. I could feel the cold metal of the needle inside my large vein, the blood running cleanly over the, hopefully, sterilized instrument, my muscles around the area instantly inflaming and pulsing around the needle. Michael pushed gingerly on the plunger, making sure the substance didn’t enter into my blood too fast. I could feel the icy liquid begin taking immediate effect, the intense cold slowly running down my arm and into my hand, numbing the pain as it made its way through my blood stream. When all the liquid was inside of me Michael slid the needle out of my arm. Like last time, blood began welling out like a loose faucet, quickly pooling in the fold of my arm and running over the crease and dripping onto the floor.

                     I stared at my arm in horror and heard a bloodcurdling female scream from somewhere in the room. I quickly looked around the room to see who was screaming, but no one else was in my bedroom except for me and Michael. I wonder if the screaming was coming from me? I snapped my mouth shut and the screaming halted. I guess it was me…. Michael quickly took a white linen fabric strip and wrapped it around the profusely bleeding wound, sealing it with a translucent medical-type tape. He tucked my arm into my side and finally let go. I glanced at my arm and could see where Michael had been holding me tightly, red finger marks glowing against my ghost-like skin: I would have bruises there for sure.

                     Then again, those bruises wouldn’t look much different than the round ones that already covered my arm. The cold liquid was beginning to run from the veins in my right hand back up into my arm. Whatever Michael gave me must be a strong pain killer since my hand was already numb with little sensation left in it. He loomed over me, staring me down while keeping his left hand on my chest, keeping me from arching my back in pain again. I exhaled sharply, clenched my teeth tight, drew my eyes shut, and let the tears roll down again while I waited for the liquid to take effect.

                     “Michael….” I slipped through my near-breaking teeth. I don’t know why I said his name. Maybe I was calling for some kind of help? He stared into my eyes, his eyes void of any and all emotions. He seemed….blank. He was always so good at that though, so good at having no emotions, of being almost catatonic. Maybe that’s why he was so angry deep down, maybe it was because he never showed any emotions no matter what the situation? Well, he would show anger, but besides anger he had nothing else to show. Suddenly I thought of just running up and hugging the man, just to see if he would react. Hugging seemed to have worked well with Julia, so maybe it would help Michael somehow?

                     Then again, I was in severe pain at the moment, couldn’t even move since he was holding me down, and the man would probably end up snapping my spine or throwing me across the room just for trying to hug him. I decided that hugging him wouldn’t be a good idea. Besides, the man was a psychotic that tries to kill his whole family on Halloween night every year. What good would a hug do for him? And would breaking him to show emotion really be such a good idea? Probably not. I abandoned the idea and decided to leave the man alone in terms of mental and emotional sanity.

                     A sudden spark of pain washed over me and I screamed, instinctively trying to arch my back and writhe with pain, but Michael pushed harder against my chest with his left hand and held my arms tightly together with his right so that I couldn’t claw or flail at him, not on purpose though, of course. I fought against him as strong as I could, but he easily overpowered me. He didn’t even have to truly give much effort to restrain me, even though I fought the best I could.

                     The cold was almost totally seeped up my arm and was just starting to head into the main of my body, to the rest of my bloodstream, but it wasn’t coming quick enough according to my nerves. I started kicking my legs without conscious decision to do so, and Michael switched his position. He moved his right hand that was holding my arms together to his left that stayed on his chest, exchanging my arms from his right hand to his left, using his forearm instead of his hand to keep my chest down, and slid his right hand to my legs, quickly grasping them together and keeping them straight and unmoving by locking them at the knee.

                     It all hurt so much and he wouldn’t even let me move to express the pain. All I could do was scream and sob at the same time. Why did I hurt this much? Suddenly my body wrenched upwards against Michael’s arm, and he pushed down harder, but it was too hard. A small snap sounded, like the snapping of a branch, and an extreme pain jolted through me, electrifying my veins and searing my mind with pain. Something flashed in Michael’s eyes, though I couldn’t see what it was, and he quickly backed away from me. I had trouble breathing and the pain was so sharp, so intense, I wished I was just dead already right then and there. I wished Michael would just break my neck so I could stop hurting so much already.

                     I tried screaming more but the pain and lack of air I was already having kept me cut off from screaming. I noticed Michael snatch something from the nightstand next to me and flip it open quickly. A cell phone? Who the hell would Michael call, and what good would it do if the man was entirely mute? I’m sitting here in extreme pain, and all I’ve got to help is a giant mute killer with a cell phone. Great. Just fucking great. I felt something different than the pain, but just as sharp, and the second I felt this strange feeling hit me everything went pitch black and I couldn’t feel anything anymore.