Headache [Hunhan Oneshot]

~Headache (Oneshot)~

Past

'Hi my name is Lu Han and I have stomach ache',that was my introduction when I was thirteen. Kind of sad, right?

When I was a child I had super bad stomach aches. The pain literally drove me crazy that I didn't know why I had it. My parents didn't care about me until I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep and of course I couldn't go to school anymore.
My mom dragged me to all kinds of doctors. We went to the ambulance and I had lots of checkups like X-Rays,several stomach reflections and a ton of blood tests. It took the doctors a year to find out that the reason for my pain was psychological distress and they couldn't cure it. At least it was their conclusion. Since that I have had an aversion to doctors.

A year later,when I was fifteen, my head started to hurt out of nowhere. Now it's: 'Hey my name is Lu Han,I'm fifteen and I have really bad headaches.'
And again the whole process of going to several doctors, only to find out that it was my imagination. At this state of life I simply wished that it was some kind of incurable brain cancer or something. I didn't want to live anymore, because just imagine: You are a fifteen year old child and have incredible pain every single day,every single hour for three years and nobody can help or cure you.

But on the other hand I had one  reasons to live. My little sister was born when I was eleven and I wanted to watch her growing up and I love her to death. She's actually the only person who isn't against me.

You may wonder why I didn't mention my parents or the rest of my whole family.
Well they believed the doctors more than myself. They won't believe that I have such pain due to mental reasons.
Even the three psychiatrists that ever medicated me wouldn't believe my pain.

They said I don't have a depression.

They said that I just don't look like someone with depression or chronic psychological pain.

They said if we can't see it it isn't there.

They said I won't need any psychological medication to feel better.

They said I just do it for attention.

They said that I just wanted to skip school.

They said I just pretend.

That dragged me down so much and I literally wanted to hurt myself or die. But I couldn't cut my wrist for release, how it's often shown in books or movies. I just couldn't. I already felt so much pain.

Present

Every single day went the same for two more years. I am seventeen now.
I wake up because of my alarm clock. The pain in my head and the fatigue due to my sleeping problems chain my body to my bed.
I slowly get up and head to the kitchen. I already have a pained expression on my face. I tell my parents that I can't go to school because my of headache and they look at me with disdainful eyes.
They give me a lecture of what happens when I have too little school attendence and that I'll never be able to get a job when I'm not going to school. Then I go back to bed and spend the whole day in it. That causes me backpain aswell, but I don't care because I already have so much pain.

There were only some days that were at least half painless so I could go to school and didn't lose the place in my class.

I want go to school. That's why I'm starting the same class now for the third time.
I want a normal life and I don't want other people to judge me by my pain, that's why I've switched schools.

I am standing at the bus station with my headphones on maximal volume. Strange. The only thing I can tolerate with a headache is music. The only thing that helps me to forget the world around me is music.
I am nervously biting my nails. My stomach is going crazy...I don't know how to describe it better.