'Higher!' I squealed out, feeling the air whip at my face, and ruffle my hair. But I didn't care, I was happy. I was happy to be there, in the presence of someone that I loved so deeply.
'Okay,' Lachlan called out in a soft voice, gently pushing me a little higher. He was letting out little giggles at my squeals, and at that point I knew that I was with the one that I was head over heels for. Except, we weren't a thing, not yet anyway.
As the swing started to slow down, I watched as the tall blonde, walked over to the grass in front of the swing, laying down, and looking up at the sky, watching the clouds and birds that passed overhead. The beauty of the blonde boy overwhelmed me, making me feel the urge to snuggle up beside him.
'Vik...' Lachlan spoke softly, glancing over at me once more. 'I think I'm in love with someone...but I don't know if they'll accept me...' he finished.
'Well,' I said, standing and walking over to him, before laying down beside him. 'Have you told this person?' I finished, watching the clouds above us, and noticing that the sky was a deep blue. A rich colour. Something that was rare for the time of year.
'I just did...' Lachlan whispered out, glancing up at the sky, his voice sounding a little softer than normal.
'Well, I do accept you, Little Lachy.' I said, turning to consider the deep blue eyes of the tall blonde.
For a few short moments, I could see the shock settling into him, as he tried to hold back the tears. I gave a little giggle and cuddled into the boy's side, hoping that he would find some reassurance in the situation. And it seemed to work, as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.
That seemed like a life time ago, when it was only a little of a year ago. But so much had happened since then, we had loved, we were in love, and know he's with someone else, someone who'll know how to treat him right, treat him like I never could. I know that. I know that I was never going to make him truly happy, that he wouldn't be able to be happy forever with me, and that he'd eventually leave me. But I hadn't expected it to come out of the blue, I had expected there to be signs that things weren't going right, signs that I needed to prepare for the end. But there was nothing.
Letting the tears fall once more, I felt my body give way, the pain almost unbearable. And the desire to end it all took over, I wanted to end my suffering, but I pushed that feeling back, forcing it down – and hoping that it never resurfaced.
The following morning, as I got up and dressed, I felt the pain slowly fade away, today was Friday after all, and after today there wouldn't be any school for a couple of weeks, so I could chill out, and play video games, and not have to go outside for a long while. Grabbing my backpack from the foot of my bed, I trudged downstairs, and towards the door. I slipped into my trainers, having gone with a very casual look today, some black shorts and a light grey tank top, with a black hoodie over the top of it. Nothing fancy. Nothing grand. Just something that was comfortable and would allow me to feel a little freer today.
Walking to the bus stop, for only the third time this week, I wondered why I was still trying with Landon and Lewis. It was clear that they wanted to be free. That they wanted to be themselves, and I was holding them back. So, as I stood, waiting for the bus, I contemplated setting them free. But I needed to know if that's what they wanted first. If that's what they truly needed in their lives, before I did anything drastic.
The bus pulled up, and I stepped on, taking a seat nearer to the back, as I no longer cared about myself. I didn't care if they bullied me, or if they called me names, or hit me, or just left me alone. I just didn't care anymore.
By the time the bus pulled up at the next stop on its journey, I had made my mind up, I was going to clear out my locker today, and then clear my mind of all the negative thoughts that I had been having recently. Checking the time on my phone, I gave a little sigh, it was only 7:43, meaning when the bus arrived at school at 8 I would have thirty minutes to myself. Before homeroom, before classes, before I had to concentrate, and explain where I had been for the past two days. I needed to just chill out, so I planned to head to the one place I felt the most comfortable, the woods behind the school. The same woods that the boys had demanded I go to the other day.
The bus stopped right outside of the school building, and I stepped off, noticing that none of the jocks were remotely interested in me. They were happily chatting away to each other. And it was almost like I no longer existed. Like I was no longer anyone's problem. That I was free. No longer a burden, no longer burdened. And that was all it took, that little bit of happiness for me to start a fresh, for me to go about my day without having to worry, without having to dart between classes, without having to zone out. Without having to explain how I was feeling, or why I was feeling that way. And that was amazing.
Chapter 2
Start from the beginning
