Sophia

I don't want to die

Dear Limbo,

I'm feeling weaker everyday that passes. I fight against it all I can but it gets harder every second. I know I'm dying, that my body is choosing my decision for me. Even though I've chosen to live, I'm dying anyway. My choice doesn't matter if I can't figure out how to connect back with my body. The fact that I'm still connected to it in a way just makes me angrier. I'm connected to my body enough for it to make me feel weak but not enough to return completely.

It makes Carlisle, Daddy, Mommy, Gabriel, and the rest of my family also mad. Because Carlisle keeps giving me medicine to feed my body but my body isn't absorbing it. I watch my mommy trying to hold on to any hope, but its a losing battle. She never moves or eats, she only sits by my bedside watching me. Her eyes watch as my body gets weaker by the day.

While I'm watching her kill herself because she isn't eating. I no longer have the energy to stand beside her yelling at her to eat something. So I sit, watch, and listen to everything going on. I hear whispering downstairs, I can pick out my daddy's voice but the others are to quiet to pick out the owners to the voices.

Uncle Gabriel and mommy don't seem to notice it. I don't think my mommy would notice if the sun collided with the earth, her eyes look like a clear layer is over them and her face looks numb. I've seen that face before, she has that face when she is zoned out inside her own head. I don't know if that's a good thing or not at this point. Within in seconds I know that it is a good thing.

Lightest of footsteps on the stairs outside, hushed whispers. Then the door whips open like a streak of lightning. The sound vibrates around the room but the three bodies across the room stay the same. A light gray string floating in the air towards my mommy. She notices the drowsiness to late, her head falls to the bed with a muffled thump. Uncle Gabriel looks shocked to see her fall and when he looks up he is shocked to see my daddy and Uncle Alec standing in the room.

Daddy covers the distance between him and mommy in two long strides. He takes her body in his arms, steadied her head with one hand, ripping open a bag of blood with another. He uses the hand not holding the blood to force her mouth open and pouring the blood down her throat when its open. Uncle Alec rushes over, his arms full of bags that weren't there before, opening a bag with his teeth, and handing it to my dad to be put into my mother's body.

I'm watching this all with my mouth open and feeling so much happiness inside me. I feel so glad that my mother will no longer be able to kill herself that I feel the strength to stand up and walk over there.

Daddy has taken to sitting on the floor with my mom in his lap. He's holding her gently and you can just tell that he hasn't done that in days, but has wanted to everyday he wasn't. In between bags being handed to him by Uncle Alec, he whispers into her cheek "I'm sorry" over and over. If you look closely enough you can see the pain in his eyes of having to do this, but the alternative is much more painful.

My daddy is my hero, he's saving my mommy. Now I have to save them both.

I close my eyes and picture Jez in my mind. For a few seconds I'm spinning in the air. When I land, I land on my butt.

"Ow!" I saw standing up.

"I see you still haven't got the landing down yet." Jez says from across the room.

"I haven't been going to different places all that often." I reply back. I look around and am shocked that we aren't in the white room.

Reading my expression Jez replies, "This was my home, the witch village I grew up in. I like coming here and just watching them live their lives."