THE RESTLESS AUTUMN (completed) (a full-length novel)

Twin Confessions

"I don't want to feel this way anymore, Father. I'm a prisoner of my own guilt."

Jung-hwa's cracked voice prompted the priest to speak. "Your guilt comes from the betrayal you've made. Anger is part of human nature and humans have no control over their emotions. But acting out on that anger is a choice. God gives us free will to make choices. What she did was wrong, but justice would've still been served even if you didn't intervene. By confessing your guilt today, you are setting yourself free."

Outside the confessional, Nurse Goh patiently waited as his eyes followed a trail of birds flying across in the high ceilings of the cathedral.

A bouquet of orchids lay serenely on one corner of the table, alongside a beaded rosary, a prayer book and a CD player. Above the table mounted against the wall was a double deck shelf, housing a stack of discs and some old books. The room which was merely 10 square meters in size had a small ventilation fan built on the upper part of the wall. There were no windows, no distinction of day and night, but it was the safest place Eun-jung could find for her. Euna sat by her lonesome on the foot of her bed, listening to soft music while sorting shells by its shapes. Soon Eun-jung came in with a water-filled vase and arranged the orchids stem by stem. Turning to Euna, she tried hiding the excitement in her voice. "What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing," uttered Euna, her blank gaze getting past Eun-jung.

"Come on, dongsaeng. You spent the entire afternoon together and you talked about nothing? He sends you flowers, brings you food, calls you on the phone, and there's nothing going on?"

Amused with her sister-in-law's persistence, Euna smiled. "He asked if he could visit everyday."

"And?"

"I said no."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"He obviously likes you. Why can't you like him too?

"Eonni, I'm blind."

"What's wrong if you're blind?"

"I shouldn't drag people into my mess."

"Give yourself a chance. He's handsome and so gentle. You can rarely find a man like him nowadays." Eun-jung sat beside Euna and cupped one of her hands. "Doctor Son is clearly smitten with you. I could see it in the way he takes care of you."

"He can find a better woman for himself."

Eun-jung smirked and let go of Euna's hand. "Ya, you can't push a man in love to find another woman."

"He's not in love with me," Euna insisted.

"You should see how he stares at you. And the distance he travels just to get here."

"He's just doing his job monitoring my knee."

"It's been six months, your therapy is over. You're doing well now. Don't pretend to be numb." Eun-jung placed one hand over Euna's cheek. "Trust me. It's okay to fall in love."

Euna's face stiffened. "I only want to be with my child."

"But she'll need a father, too."

"Should I accept him just because my daughter needs a father?"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean it that way," Eun-jung said, her voice turning low.

"Eonni, don't say sorry. I know you want what's good for me. But what's good for me may not be good for the others. I want to live my life without hurting anyone again. I just want to be with Seung-jin again."