[i'm 16 and i stupidly think i love someone and not just platonically, and day6 just so happened to drop the last two songs now that i began to feel this way, 100417]
I know that i smile with all my teeth when i look at you,
That i muster courage to flex the muscles on my face to elucidate a dimple
That the horrid, rosy crinkles by m-my eyes fold into wrinkles
That my cheeks lift up, taking the bags underneath my eyes by the hand
That i always say nothing at first
That by the end of the day, i want nothing more than to be in your arms
But i frown, too, not on the outside
For a frown is just mutilating the awful image i already manifest by existing
I look at you,
And all i want to do is cry because of many things
For some reason, i want to tell you
Because you're my friend and i am yours
But that's not quite it.
I look at you,
Your looks like artificially sucrose, chocolate frosting
Your personality tastes, drips, oozes of cake frosting
Frosting your smile,
Smile on your lips,
I hate your laugh because i like it,
It's the most obnoxious thing ever but i like it
When i'm not with you,
I still look at you,
I wish smart phones and all the sugary virtual little ornaments didn't exist sometimes
I look at you
You seem happier,
Though the beige depression underneath your nebulous eyes droop a little more
Though you probably roll your eyes every time i urge you to take care of yourself
Though you waste yourself away, with a chuckle of pride
Though your hands shake when you're stressed
The more i look at you
You laugh more,
(I cry here) wouldn't it be best if i weren't with you?
I look at you, no, i look for you
But i see your back to me
The cigarette light and the puff of smoke gushing in the air like your own cloud
My tears could serve your rain, couldn't they?
I just don't want you to smoke anymore,
Anymore pain that makes you want to, just give it to me.
When i'm not with you,
I openly admit that i wait for your funny name to illustrate itself on my screen
That a new message, one that's congregated with many, waits for me, too, to be read
That your words aren't incoherent
Incoherently hollow
Hollowed by your deepest darkest desires,
And that you don't embed impulsive curse words in them
I don't care how you are,
Leper, lame, you are my friend
It's just that i thought you promised that you would watch your mouth with me
Perhaps you forgot.
I look at you
And i hate you.
because i'm already past the butterflies, the twinkled eyes, and the euphoria,
i'm sorry i'm so late to reciprocating your feelings, though i think they're gone,
but were they ever there in the first place?
I know that i said that i didn't care too much about your pick up lines
But why do they put me down when you use them on me
Or everyone else when i'm around,
Is it because you don't see me?
A month has passed,
And i'm sorry i don't smile like i used to,
I hate you
But only because the truth is that
I can't seem to hate you at all.
