Blindspot: The Jane Doe Files

Jane and Weller

I should have probably done this since the Jeller ship is like one of the most prominent ones in this show so here it is! #Jeller

Jane had gone back to her house. She couldn't really call it her home because she herself didn't even know what her home was. Sometimes she felt like adding a little life to her very sparsely decorated apartment, but remembered she was disposable - especially in this very dangerous double-ended mission - and she didn't want to get too attached to anything anymore. The last time she did that had a catastrophic, seemingly permanent end.

The walls were as grey as her life, and she was only in it just so she could watch Shepherd go down, pay for everything - robbing her of her memories, making her a terrorist by default. Stripping her of her identity so she had no rights, no name.

But she knew deep down they were her decisions that led her up to this point from the beginning she remembered not of. Her decisions - under Shepherd's influence, she reasoned with herself. She wanted to end Shepherd's terror - literally. And she convinced herself that was the only reason she was still 'working with' the FBI - and for nothing else. Especially not to work with and try to rekindle things with Kurt.

Since he found out about Jane's  (at the time) accomplice killing Mayfair, Kurt and pretty much the whole team except Patterson had shunned Jane. Even putting aside their issues with her when it came to professional work seemed to be an issue.

And since she crawled out of that bag, Kurt had been her safe place, her rock when everything went haywire. But now he wasn't even hers anymore - not that he even officially was in the first place.

She felt so out of place. She felt betrayed, even if she felt she'd done the betraying. Kurt, who believed in her when no one else did, now wanted nothing more to do with her other than finding out her true identity - since she wasn't Taylor Shaw - and taking down Shepherd. And she was upset.

Upset that no matter how hard the front she put up was, whatever heart lay under her shortcomings still ached for more.

*

Kurt was distressed. Having 'Jane' come back to the team unofficially was taking a toll on him. With the still unidentified unnamed woman returned the baggage of past lies, the ashes of an old flame, and surprisingly the need to defend someone who ultimately didn't deserve it.

He hated himself for it, but he couldn't help it - he wanted to be mad at her, he wanted to blame her, and yet he found himself sticking up for whatever integrity she had left when Reade or Zapata challenged that, especially in reference to Mayfair's murder, one that she was inevitably involved with.

But inside he felt like it was his fault - his fault for being so unrealistically hopeful. What were the odds that his father was actually a good person and that Jane would actually be his childhood next-door neighbour? Good luck didn't just cross him so casually, especially not in such large amounts, and especially not after the history of bad luck he'd had all his life. He should have known it was too good to be true, too cliché to pass as reality.

He didn't want to hope anymore. He didn't want to believe in what was now the impossible - that had a very catastrophic end the last time he did. He didn't want to look at Jane in the eye unless it was to do with professional FBI work. He didn't want anything more to do with her, he tried to convince himself. So why was he driving to her apartment at eleven in the night?

*

The shower was long and warm, but not enough to thaw her stone-cold frozen heart and humanity. Jane knew that if she was going to cope, she would have to strengthen her front. She'd have to be numb so she didn't feel, and just did what she had to. That would be best for her, the team, and she felt like Kurt would appreciate that.