Chapter 2
It was months later when Joe was on one of his boring deliveries in Chinatown that his life took the turn for the awesome.
He stopped his truck in front of Woo’s Stationary, grabbed his handcart and loaded some boxes. His muscles strained as usual as he wheeled them down the ramp and wrestled them over the curb. He forgot the strain as soon as the door chimed and he backed into the shop. The dimly lit store was packed with curiosities. There was an orderly clutter to the place that was peculiarly comforting. His mouth dropped open as he walked backward with his load, entranced by the statues and swords and ancient tarot cards. There was a shelf full of books; one that was especially fetching called the I Ching was covered in shiny runes and etchings. It was all so… un-boring! It reminded him of the shop out of Gremlins and quickly scanned the room for Mogwai cages or at least a bucket of fried chicken, when he felt a bump against his back and heard a startled, “Aiee!”
He dropped his load of stationary with a start and a curse and turned to see a tiny gray-haired Asian woman spill to the floor.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Joe squealed.
“Dammit, you sumamabitch!”
Joe was taken aback by this outburst, expecting the diminutive woman in a kimono to hop up and genuflect to him, or at least apologize.
She rolled on her back, side to side, a hand pressed to her buttocks, grimacing in pain, “Oh damn! Oh my shit! I think I broke my coccyx! What the hell wrong with you, whitey?”
He stammered out a response, “I…I…uhh…I…”
“Stoo-pid! Ahh, so stoo-pid sumamabitch, help me up, stoo-pid.”
And he did, she must have weighed thirty pounds, she almost floated off the ground she was so light. As soon as she was up she jabbed a wrinkled hand down the front of her kimono and dug around near her belly between her pendulous breasts.
Joe blinked, he hadn’t expected her breasts to be so large…or low.
Her hand shot back out with a Marlboro and a lighter, her breasts were still jiggling by the time she exhaled a gigantic plume of smoke. She showed her browned teeth with sly grin.
“Hey stoo-pid, I’m Mrs. Woo!”
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YOU ARE READING
The Writer's Block
HumorWhen boring Joe Smith decides he wants to be a writer his fate is dramatically altered and all sorts of crazy stuff happens. There's an asian old lady in it. She's magic. And... and... it's funny?
