I don't love you (Frerard)

I don't love you

Frank and Gerard were best friends for years, they trusted each other more than everybody else.
Sometimes they would make out with each other, exploring another guys body just because of pure curiosity.

On stage they would become so full of energy and so full of adrenaline they just had to make out with each other on stage, also off stage, in the tour bus, hotel rooms. Not only making out but also jerking each other of occasionally, even a few blow jobs were along the way.

Franks relationship with Jamia didn't seem to change a thing.
Maybe Frank just didn't care about her feelings.
Maybe Gerard just wished he wouldn't care about Jamia. But maybe Frank just didn't really care about him.

Gerard always loved Frank as a friend but he soon started to develop romantic feelings for the short punk boy.
And he honestly thought Frank would feel the same. They made out so passionately! It was so much more than just pure lust!
Or maybe it was just for Gerard.

Because one day Frank came to the band and was excited to tell the guys something.

"Me and Jamia are engaged! We're going to marry!"

And Gerards world broke into pieces.

Frank never told him that he wanted to marry Jamia or quit whatever he and Gerard had.

Frank never told him that he doesn't like him that way anymore... that he doesn't love him anymore... If he ever did.

And when you go would you even turn to say I don't love you like I did yesterday?

Of course Gerard smiled and pretended to be happy for his best friend. But he was just dying inside.

He would never tell Frank about it though. He wouldn't make him stay, wouldn't force him.
It was Franks decision! And he chose Jamia.

And when you go don't you ever think I'll make you try to stay

A few weeks later Frank came to Gerards home. He started kissing him. Gerard was completely confused but he loved and missed Frank he just went with it.
There were this little hopeful voice in his head, telling him Frank would leave Jamia and choose him instead.

But this voice was wrong.
Frank just had a little fight with Jamia and came to relieve some stress.
Afterwards he actually texted with Jamia, apologized, wrote "I love you", holding Gerard in his arms.

Gerard suddenly understood what Frank had done! He had used him!
He felt hurt!
He felt exhausted!
He felt like he fighted and fighted and fighted and lost and failed this fight!
He suffered!
He felt dirty!
He was Franks call boy!
Nothing more!

When after all this blood that you still owe another dollar's just another blow

He got so fucking mad at Frank!
He got up and yelled at Frank.
"Get out!"
Frank just looked confused.
"Get out!"
Frank got up and took his clothes, put them on. Gerard waited in the kitchen.

"Gee?" He whispered.
Gerard flinched at the name. He had to fight the tears.
"Gee, please talk to me." Frank pleaded.
Gerard looked down to his hands, he held Franks gloves in them.
He closed his eyes and put all his strength into his next action.
He shoved the fingerless skeleton-gloves into his hands and spit his words out.
"Go to your fiancee while you can"
So Frank left.

When after all this time that you still owe you're still a good-for-nothing I don't know, so take your gloves and get out better get out while you can

Gerard and Frank barely talked after this.
Little hellos and good byes when they met with the others.
Little agreements little nodds.
Little disagreements, little head shakings.

Ray and Mikey noticed of course, everybody did, but they thought, it would be better to not talk about it.
They would tell them when they're ready!

Mikey heard his brother cry at night a lot.
Gerard cried and prayed in silence for Frank to change his mind! He was so sick of this stupid heart in his chest!
It only hurted him and killed him slowly.
What was the use of it anyway?
What was the use of love?
It only brought pain!

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading so sick and sad of all the needless beating

It was around that time that he started dating Lindsey.
It just kind of happend.
He didn't used her to get over Frank.
She knew about the past of him and the punk boy and she helped Gerard.

Lindsey made him understand that he had to stay strong. Stay strong for Frank and for himself.
And it was around that time that he started to love Lindsey.
He wasn't in love with her.
He loved her.

Gerard had to endure the pain and the shame to get over Frank.
He had to endure it in order to get better.
So he did.

But baby when they knock you down and out is where you oughta stay

He started to talk to Frank again.
Frank was happy to have his friend back, he missed him a lot.
But every time Frank saw Gerard with Lindsey he would get a weird feeling he couldn't point out.
But it hurt.

Eventually Frank and Jamia got married.
Frank pretended to be happy.
Gerard pretended to be happy.
Neither of them were happy.
Neither of them noticed the other one wasn't happy.

Gerard and Lindsey married all of a sudden after a concert.
He told Frank only hours before.

Frank finally understood then:
He loved Gerard.
He didn't want to see him with someone else.
He needed him.
And he lost him.

Ray found him just seconds before Gerards and Lindseys wedding.
Drunk and crying.
Ray didn't have to hear the story.
He knew something was wrong and he knew what he had to say to Frank.

So fix your eyes and get up better get up while you can

Frank made a decision:
A decision he already made before but chose wrong.
He ran to Gerard.
And in the moment he got to him he was kissing his wife.
Frank was too late.

And maybe when you get back I'll be off to find another Way.

Gerard and Lindsey Way were happy.
They didn't just pretend.
Frank didn't even pretend to be.
He cried the whole evening.
Cursed himself for not noticing sooner what he really felt!

He cried even harder when Mikey told him how Gerard had cried every other night after Frank got engaged.
He cried when he understood that Gerard felt the same way.

Frank loved Gerard.
And Gerard had loved Frank.
And Gerard never told him that he didn't love him like he loved him yesterday.

And when you go would you even turn to say I don't love you like I loved you yesterday