The Spider and The Flame (Peter Parker)

Part 19- Devastation

I don't answer him, I just pull my knees closer to my chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, coming towards me and sitting down on the bed to my left. He leans his weight on his knees and tilts his head.

"No." I huff, rolling my eyes.

"Ash, talking about it is the only way to get past it. Tell me about Peter."

The moment his name slips through Clint's lips, I feel my stomach drop. A tingling sensation radiates through my face and my eyes water.

"I don't want to talk about him!" I raise my voice.

"Well you're going to!" He angrily responds. I widen my eyes and stare at Clint, who sighs.

"I'm sorry..." I apologize for raising my voice. "I'm just trying to figure things out."

"I can help you. Let me help you." He smiles.

"I just, I'm so confused. I know how I feel and I know how I'm supposed to feel, but they're two different things. Being at the facility with Peter changed everything for me. And now that I'm not there, I don't know who I am."

"You're who you've always been. You're smart and you're kind, and even though you have this destruction deep inside of you, all you want is to help people. You want to fight for what you believe in, and I'm so very proud of you for everything you've accomplished. Just because you've hit this bump in the road doesn't mean you're done helping people. Don't let anyone change who you are, Ashton."

"He's not just anyone..." I sigh.

"Listen, Ash, some will break you, some will destroy you, and some will leave you heartbroken. And still, you will love the next as if you've never been hurt. That's what makes you, you, despite the bullshit people bring, because you'll smile as if nothing ever happened. And I hope you never change, not because of anyone, not even him."

Clint's words resonate with me in a meaningful way. He trusts in me and who I am, he's not scared of the destruction I've caused or my lack of control. He swears by my sense of judgement and he truly believes that I'll get through this.

"Thank you, for everything." I smile through my tears. I stand up from the floor and hold my arms out, pulling Clint into a hug. He's a lot like a father to me, the father I never had.

"Of course, honey." He hugs me back.

"Do you think that being with Peter is bad for both of us?" I ask, pulling away from the hug. It feels nice to finally confide in someone.

"Bad? No. I think the two of you are great. If he had this much of an effect on you after such a short time then who am I and who is anyone to say that you guys didn't love each other?"

"I almost killed him, Clint. How can I trust myself to not hurt him?"

"With time and effort you'll figure out how to control your emotions, and you'll finally beat this. Once you know that you can love yourself, then you can go and love him, too."

"What was the point of all of this, then? Mr. Stark was trying to help me, he was training me to be an Avenger. Why take me away?"

"We came for you for the same reason I rescued Wanda. You may have been safe, but you were still locked away. You couldn't leave, you couldn't fight for what you believe in. What if Stark told you that you had to sign the accords? What would you have done?"

"I never would've signed." I sigh.

"Exactly," Clint raises his eyebrows, "and he would've had no choice but to lock you up for real."

"What about Peter? I broke his heart for no reason?" Realization finally washes over me and I feel absolutely terrible.

"Not for no reason, Ash. Do you think he would've let you go so easily if he knew you loved him?" Clint shakes his head, "no, no, no, he would've pined after you, even after the fire. We never would've been truly hidden from Stark. That boy would have secondary burns all over his body and still run after you, crying in pain."

"How would you know? You don't even know him." I laugh at Clint's imagery of Peter running and crying because of his burns.

"I know teenaged boys, and I know you." He chuckles, "He'd be stupid not to run after you. And I know, with all of his web get-up and everything, he's not stupid."

"So what do I do?" I ask.

"Learn to control your powers, try being as good as you can be. Peter started his career as a friendly-neighbourhood superhero. Maybe you can try the same thing?"

"You do realize that Peter actually lives here, right? He's going to see me and I don't know what'll happen. Do you think he'd try to fight me?" I try to imagine how Peter would react, and no doubt he would be angry. He would be confused, upset, angry, and maybe even lose it. Who knows if he'd be able to control himself from socking me in the face?

"Maybe wear a mask or something, I don't know." Clint chuckles, standing up from the bed. He makes his way towards the door and leaves without another word.